


Dipper Pines' Ultimate Guide to Ruining Summer

by Belle_Cipher



Series: Not your typical summer vacation(s) [1]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: And Dipper is female, And onwards from there, Belle Cipher - Freeform, Bill doesn't have a gender, Bill is female, But as always the twins will be there for each other, But let's be real here, Depression, Dipper is openly lesbian, Episode: s02e04 Sock Opera, Everyone still calls her Dipper tho, F/F, In-depth, It'll get p dark, It's a genderbend, It's basically what GF would be if it was set in reality instead of a cartoon, Oh and Belle is just a sadistic as ever, PTSD, So all romantic history and all that stays canon faithful, Some humour, There's gonna be some really graphic violence, Twin sisters supporting one another, We'll be exploring that detail, brace urselves, dark humour, everything else is the same, family love, ish, loooooooooooots of blood n gore n all that, okay, right so, sibling dynamics, sometimes, this shit bout to get real complicated
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-08-09 10:28:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 31,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7798288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Belle_Cipher/pseuds/Belle_Cipher
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At the beginning of summer, Dipper Pines wished for adventure.</p>
<p>Having her body taken over by a maniacal dream demon was not what she had in mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Step One: Make a deal with a dream demon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had this idea in my head for quite a while now, just didn't know exactly how to pen it.
> 
> Well, I figured it out.
> 
> Here you go.

_It should not be this hard to figure out a password_ , Dipper thought as the computer alerted her, for the umpteenth time, that her password attempt was incorrect.

“I can't take that sound anymore!” She exclaimed, and slamming her hands repeatedly on the keyboard, yelled “I! Hate! You! Sound!”

As she tried- and failed- to suppress a yawn, Dipper realized that she had broken her promise to Mabel that she wouldn't stay up all night.

She looked hopelessly at the password screen. “There has to be some shortcut, or clue... Who would know about secret codes?” She muttered, rubbing her eyes tiredly. Out of nowhere, the wind picked up, and Dipper cast a wary look around, picking up the computer and clutching it protectively.

Suddenly, she was in a spotlight. Tightening her grip on the computer, she whipped around and yelped in shock upon seeing that the moon had become an eye.

Blue bricks formed around it, and with a flash of white light, the world became devoid of colour. Bill Cipher opened his eye and said, “I think I know a guy!”

Dipper couldn't help but gape.

“Well, well, well.” Bill said, twirling a yellow cane that he'd pulled out of thin air, “You're awfully persistent, Pinetree. Hats off to you!” He tipped his hat, and everything else tipped with it.

Finally recovering from her initial speechlessness, Dipper pointed at Bill and angrily yelled, “You again!”

Bill, the cheeky bastard, actually had the gall to say, “Did you miss me? Admit it, you missed me!”

“Hardly,” Dipper scoffed, “You worked with Gideon, you tried to destroy my uncle’s mind!”

Bill floated down behind her, chuckling, “It was just a job, kid, no hard feelings. I've been keeping an **eye on you** ,” with those words he grew to twice his size and turned red, then went back to normal, “since then. And I must say, I'm impressed.”

Dipper raised an eyebrow, nonplussed. “Really?”

“You deserve a prize.” Bill continued, as though she hadn't spoken, “Here, have a head that's always screaming!”

The insane demon clapped, and out of thin air materialized exactly that; a screaming head. Bill cackled as Dipper jumped back with a cry of shock and horror, and with a snap of his fingers, the head disappeared.

“The point is, I like you.” He continued, coming over to lean casually on the edge of the roof. One arm stretched over and behind Dipper and prodded her to him. “How's about you let me give you a hint, huh? I only ask for a small… Favour,” his hand lit up in blue flame, “In return.”

Dipper’s defences, which had been slowly coming down from Bill’s flattery, instantly flew back up.

“I’d never do a favour for you! Don't forget who defeated you last time!”

Rising up from the roof behind her, the demon burst out laughing. “Right, you ‘defeated’ me. Well, if you ever change your mind, I'll be here for you, ready to make a de-al!” He sing-songed the last word, conjuring up a slot screen, which stopped at three pinetree icons.

With another mad giggle, Bill said, “Hey, wanna hear my impression of you in about three seconds?” With that, he opened his eye wide in mock terror, and screamed.

In about three seconds, Dipper woke up and did the exact same thing.

* * *

“Woah, bag check for Dipper’s eyes,” Grunkle Stan exclaimed when Dipper entered the kitchen, before laughing raucously at his own joke.

“Dipper, I told you to get some sleep last night!” Mabel fussed, then held up a blender full of some sort of red liquid, with various objects floating inside. “Here, wake up with some Mabel Juice. It has plastic dinosaurs in it!”

“It's like if coffee and nightmares had a baby.” Stan muttered under his breath.

Ignoring this exchange, Dipper pulled Mabel into the living room. “Mabel, listen, last night I had a dream with Bill in it.”

Mabel gasped. “Wait, hold up, the triangle guy?” She said, making a triangle around her eye with her fingers.

“He said he'd give me the code to the laptop if I gave him something.” Dipper continued. “Like I'd actually trust Bill, right?”

“Don't worry, sis.” Mabel assured her twin, “Today's the day that the mystery twins are back in action. I'll help you crack that code. I've just got to hand off my puppet stuff to my production crew.”

Mabel's production crew turned out to be Grenda and Candy, standing outside the shack, covered in socks. Something in her gut told Dipper that this would not end well.

Her mind turned back to the computer code as Mabel discussed the details of the play with her friends. However, she was broken out of her reverie at Mabel's panicked exclamation, “Okay, I'm back on fabrication. Get me my lint roller!”

Dipper grabbed her arm as she ran past her. “Whoa, whoa! Hey, you just said you were going to help me!”

“Dipper!” Mabel screamed, wild-eyed, “This sock crisis just bumped up to code argyle! The laptop can wait!”

“Mabel, do you seriously think that your random crush of the week is more important than uncovering the mysteries of this town? You're obsessed!”

“I'm obsessed?!” Mabel retorted, “Look at you! You look like a vampire! And not the hot kind!”

Dipper rubbed her eyes self consciously. “But you said you were going to help me today!”

Mabel grabbed and put on a sock puppet. “I can help you,” it said, “with tickles!”

Dipper deftly leapt away from Mabel's reaching hand, angrily swatting it away. “Okay, fine! You know what? I'll do it on my own!” She fumed, then stormed off.

Computer in hand, she made her way up to the attic, and plopped down in the window seat. When she'd gotten comfortable, she opened the computer, cracked her knuckles, and got to work. She soon started muttering at each obnoxious beep.

“Passwords…” _Beep._

“Passwords…” _Beep._

“Mabel…” _Beep._

“Is…” _Beep._

“Useless…” _Beep._

She couldn't hold back another yawn.

“Oh, man.” She sighed.

Suddenly, “ **Too many failed entries.** ” Said the computer, “ **Initiate data erase in five minutes.** ”

“No! Nonono! I'm gonna lose everything?! I only have one more try?!” Dipper exclaimed, and almost immediately after she said that, there was a flash of bright, white light, and everything turned colourless.

Bill’s voice rang out all around her. “Well, well, well. Someone's looking desperate!”

Dipper looked around for the source. “I thought I told you to leave me alone!”

“I can help you, kid.” This time, the voice clearly came from behind her. She whipped around and came face to face with what appeared to be, at first glance, a human man, who continued, “you just have to hear out my demands.”

With that, he looked pointedly at Dipper.

The latter was staring at him in shock. The voice that had come from the man was clearly Bill’s, and while he may have seemed human at first, upon further inspection, this was clearly not the case. One of his eyes was yellow with a black vertical slit, the other covered by a black eyepatch. His mouth was pulled into an inhumanly wide smile, within which pointed teeth were clearly visible. The fact that he was dressed in mostly yellow and black helped in the assumption that this might actually be…

“Bill?”

The smile, if such a thing were even possible, grew wider. “Hiya kid,” said the demon. “D’ya like my form?” He gave a little twirl.

“What… but… You… You're human.” Dipper stuttered.

The human-but-not-really version of Bill floated forward. “Nah, I just look it. I don't have one fixed form, kiddo, I just take whatever shape I please. Yesterday, I felt geometric. Today, I'm in a more dapper mood.” He flew around Dipper and put two gloved hands on her shoulders. “Back to the point; you need help, I can help you. What do you say?”

Dipper looked at the computer, which was now at four minutes. “What crazy thing do you want anyway? To eat my soul? To rip out my teeth? Are you gonna replace my eyes with… baby heads or something?”

Bill came back around to face Dipper from in front. His eyebrows were raised as he said, “Yeesh, kid, relax! All I want is a puppet.”

“A puppet?” Dipper asked suspiciously, “What are you playing at?”

“Everyone loves puppets!” Bill chuckled, and gestured at the pile sitting in the corner. “And it looks to me that you've got a surplus.”

“I don't know, man. Mabel worked really hard on these.”

“Seems to me one little puppet is a small price to pay to learn all the secrets of the universe.” His voice echoed on the last word. “Besides, what's your sister done for you, lately? How many times have you sacrificed for her, huh?” A blue bubble rose out of his hand, showing scenes from before; Dipper and Mabel in the golf cart, driving away from the ultra-gnome, Dipper giving up Wendy so that Mabel could get Waddles, Dipper losing her job at the pool by giving Mabel the megaphone. “And when has she ever returned the favor?”

Dipper looked out the window, and saw Mabel, with her friends. She seemed to be having fun. The computer was at only 30 seconds.

About fifty clocks materialized in the air around Bill, each ticking madly. “Tick tock, kid.” He said, arm outstretched, hand aflame.

25 seconds.

“Uh… Just one puppet?”

20 seconds.

“Fine!” Dipper grabbed his hand and felt a sharp lurch in her chest as her hand was set ablaze with blue flames.

“So… What puppet are you gonna pick, anyway?” Dipper asked the demon.

Bill’s grin was so wide and gleeful that it made Dipper nervous. “Hmm, Let's see,” he said, “Eenie, meenie, minie… _YOU._ ”

He ripped her forward, and as Dipper spun away, to stop at the rafters, she realized she was immaterial. “This can't be happening-” she said, and looking forward, she noticed herself, or rather, her body, lying slumped on the floor. “What did you do to my body?!” She screamed at Bill, who was nowhere to be seen.

That's when her body stood up. Its eyes opened, revealing them to be yellow, with black vertical slits. The body grinned, and Bill’s voice emanated from it, “Sorry, kid, but you're my puppet now!” The demon in Dipper’s body laughed madly, picking up the computer and smashing it onto the floor, stamping on it for good measure.

“Oh my god, this can't be happening. This can't be happening!” Dipper panicked, watching Bill stumble across the floor, wearing her skin, cackling madly.

When he- she?- he- reached the mirror, he exclaimed, “Man, it has been so long since I've inhabited a body!” He then proceeded to slap the face he wore, twice, whooping excitedly. “Pain is hilarious! And two eyes? This thing’s deluxe!”

While Bill continued the examination of his new puppet, Dipper addressed him, “I don't understand! Why are you doing this?! I thought we had a deal!”

Bill turned his attention to the disembodied girl floating next to him. “Look kid, you've been getting way too close to figuring out some major answers. I've got big plans comin' and I don't need you gettin' in my way. Destroying that laptop was a cinch. Now I just need to destroy your journal.” He made his way to the staircase, and with an excited smirk, said, “Race ya to the bottom of the stairs!”

With that, and a little “wee” he tipped the body over backwards and tumbled down the steps.

Dipper couldn't help but gasp. She zoomed down through the floor into the living room, steadied herself, and flew through the wall into the hall. “Hey!”

She found Bill in the kitchen, pulling a Pitt Cola from the fridge. “Human soda! I'm gonna drink it like a person!”

Needless to say, he did not drink it like a person.

“Where do you keep that journal, anyway?” He said, opening a cupboard and reaching in, right before slamming the thing on Dipper’s arm, repeatedly. “It's gotta be around here somewhere. Boy, these arms sure are durable!” He remarked.

Ignoring the last comment, Dipper declared, “I've hidden it. Somewhere you'll never find it in a million years!”

Mabel chose that exact moment to come running into the kitchen. “Hey Dipper! I borrowed your journal to use as a prop in the show I hope you don't mind I'm gonna go before you process this sentence okay BYEE!!” She said in one breath, then ran off.

Bill looked at Dipper, then grinned. “Sure, sounds great, sister! I'll see you at the show!”

Dipper shot after her, yelling, “Wait! No, Mabel, that's not me! Don't listen to him!” She slowed as she contemplated, “Her? Him. Oh, whatever!” She snapped at herself, and flew in front of the car that Mabel had just gotten into. “You've got to hear me!” She pleaded, then when the car began to move, she screamed, “No, no! Wait! Stop!”

But the car passed right through her.

Bill came out of the shack, sporting an amused smirk, and with a slight chuckle, said to Dipper, “Welcome to the mindscape, kid! Without a vessel to possess, you're basically a ghost.”

“Oh, hey Dipper! There you are!” Said Soos, coming out from the shack with Wendy, who threw Bill a “what up, dude.”

“Soos!” Dipper exclaimed, “Wendy! Help me!” She waved her arms desperately, and flew through Soos.

Neither of them heard her. They offered Bill a ride to the theatre, and when he accepted and got into the car, Dipper flew up to her- no, his- window. “I'm gonna stop you, Bill. I'm gonna find that journal before you do and I'm gonna stop you!”

“But how are you going to stop me,” Bill replied, turning to her slowly, “if you don't exist?” His laughter rang in Dipper’s metaphysical ears as the car drove off, leaving Dipper to stare after it.

Dipper could barely move for the next half-hour or so. She felt like an idiot. She felt hopeless. She felt…

… Rather sorry for herself, in retrospect.

When this occurred to her, she snapped herself out of it. Bill was still out there, she reminded herself, wearing her body, which meant that he had access to all the important people; Mabel, Grunkle Stan, Wendy, Soos. She had to stop him.

Somehow.

“Okay, think.” She instructed herself, “Bill wants the journal. Where's the journal? Mabel took it, to use in her show. So, the journal, and by extension, Bill, will be at the show. Where’s the show? Hmm.” She tapped her chin thoughtfully. Running the possibilities through her head, she came to the logical conclusion of, “The theatre?”

The theatre was, as a bird flies- or, in this case, a disembodied soul floating through the mindscape- not too far, so it didn't take too long for Dipper to get there, and when she did, she immediately spotted Soos, Wendy, Stan, and… Bill.

She hid behind a row of seats before he saw her, close enough to the group that she could hear their conversation.

“Aw, nothing like the theater, huh toots?” He drawled, “Hey Soos, wanna hear the exact time and date of your death?”

Soos gave a small, nervous chuckle and, “Okay.”

Dipper snuck a peek above the seats, just in time to see Mabel come up to them, gushing, “Hey guys! You all made it!”

“Are you kidding me?” Grunkle Stan answered, “I would never miss... whatever this is.”

Bill spoke up, “By the by, Mabel, where'd you put my journal again?”

“I used it as a prop for the big wedding scene! I still need a reverend, though.”

“Hey, what if I play the reverend? I mean, someone's gotta hold that journal, right?”

“Right! Let's go!” Mabel chirped, and ran back to the stage, closely followed by Bill.

Dipper groaned. “Oh, no! Wait! Mabel!” She flew after them and followed them backstage.

The play started, and with the hustle and bustle of people rushing around, Dipper didn't see Bill again until after the first musical number. She spotted him approaching Grenda, dressed in vicarage clothing.

“So, hey, Grendo!” She heard him say as she approached, “Where's that book prop I'm using for the wedding scene?”

“It's up in the wedding cake.” Grenda replied without looking away from the stage, “But that doesn't come down until Act 3. So hold your horses!”

“Oh, I'll hold my horses. I'll hold them…” Bill said quietly, backing away, then, with a strange look at the large girl, “You monster.”

When he was gone, Dipper flew up to Mabel's friend. “Hey! Listen! Have you seen Mabel?” When she didn't hear her, Dipper muttered to herself, “What did Bill say? I can't be heard without a vessel? Where would I find a-” she broke off when she noticed a pile of puppets, and grinned.

The play continued, and Mabel remained nowhere to be found until the intermission was announced. When the curtain closed, she got up from the stage and made her way to her dressing room.

Dipper saw her chance. Grabbing a sock puppet version of herself, she zoomed into the room and, puppet on hand, called out to her sister.

“Psst. Mabel.”

Mabel's reaction to seeing a sock puppet floating midair and speaking, on its own, was perfectly natural, given the circumstances, “Aah! It's come to life!” She screamed, “The puppetbooks didn't warn me about this!” She picked up a fork and threw it at the puppet.

Dipper quickly assured her twin, “Mabel, it's me, Dipper! You need to help me!”

“Wait, what, Dipper?! But you're... so much more of a sock than usual!”

“Mabel, you have to listen. Bill tricked me! He stole my body and now he's after the journal! You have to find the journal before Bill destroys it. It's the only hope to get me back in my body!”

“But my cue's coming up any minute!” Mabel protested, but was cut off by a knock on the door.

The boy that Mabel was doing all this for- _what was his name_ \- came in, asking, “Hey, Mabel, do you have a moment?”

 _Glen?_ Dipper thought, _Greg?_ “GABE!!” Mabel squeaked. _Oh, ri-_ her thoughts were cut off as Mabel grabbed the puppet Dipper and shoved it behind her back, contorting Dipper’s arm painfully in the process.

“Ow! Mabel!” Dipper hissed, trying to free her arm. With the effort, she didn't even notice when Gabe left.

Releasing the puppet from her iron grip, Mabel squealed, “Did you hear that? He loves it! This play has to be flawless. Can't we wait until after the show?”

Anger flared up in Dipper’s incorporeal chest. “Mabel! You want me to be a sock puppet forever?!”

Mabel giggled. “I'm sorry, it- it looks funny when you're mad.” She continued chuckling for a bit, then conceded, “Okay, okay, okay, just take over for me till I get back with the book. Little puppet face!”

Dipper agreed, albeit reluctantly.

It was weird, but she did rather well voicing the puppet characters. By the time she got to the wedding scene, she actually started to enjoy herself, though she would deny it till her dying day.

“I'm giving you away.” She said, as puppet Stan, “You are a woman now. Waddles, the rings!” She called to the pig, but hesitated when the latter squealed in fright. “Wait, what?”

She looked up and saw the wedding cake. Falling. “Oh no.”

The cake crashed to the floor, and Mabel and Bill spilled out, grappling over what Dipper almost immediately recognized as the Journal. Something must have glitched, because at that exact moment, the lasers and fog went off.

“Get out of my sister’s body, you evil triangle!” Mabel screamed, then smacked Bill in the face with the book and ran off.

Bill, angered, shouted after her, “You can't stop me! I'm a being of pure energy with no weakness!”

He- she- _god, this is complicated,_ thought Dipper- lunged at Mabel, knocking and pinning her down.

“True,” Mabel said, “but you're in Dipper's body. And I know all her weaknesses!”

She reached down, trying to tickle the body.

Bill raised an eyebrow. “You really have no idea how possession works, do you?”

Mabel's face fell. With a smug smile, Bill grabbed the book and stood, wrenching it toward him. Mabel, however, didn't let go, as he expected, so he ended up pulling her up with him. It became like a game of tug-of-war, each pulling on the journal, trying to get the other to let go.

Dipper was panicking. She didn't know what to do. “Why did I have to make that stupid deal!” She chastised herself, when suddenly, she realized something. “Wait. The deal!”

Bill and Mabel were still fighting over the journal. Mabel's grip was failing, and judging by the grin that Bill sported, he could tell. This, however, changed when Dipper’s voice rang through the mindscape.

“You never held up your end of the bargain!”

Bill’s hold on the book slipped, and Mabel stumbled back. Clutching the journal to her chest, she ran offstage and Bill turned slowly on Dipper. “What?”

“You said you wanted a puppet, and in exchange, you'd help me with the computer. Well, you took your puppet, but you didn't help me with the computer. You did basically the opposite, you destroyed the computer. You didn't hold up your end of the bargain.”

“...No…” Bill said slowly.

Dipper started to smile, her voice rising in glee. “So, technically, I have the right to say-”

Bill began to look panicked as he realized where this was going. “No.”

“Bill Cipher-” she declared, advancing toward him.

He started backing away, terror now written clearly on the face he was wearing. “No!”

Dipper stopped just a couple inches from him, and quietly finished, “The deal is off.”

“No! Nonononono! Wait, no, I can still help you with the computer, I can fix it, I-”

“Which means that you have no right to my body!” Dipper shouted over him, and sent a vicious shove at the demon. The latter flew out of the host, and Dipper retook her place in it.

With a triumphant laugh, she jumped up and crowed, “Yes! I'm in my own body! ... And it's just as underwhelming as I remember.” She groaned. “Everything hurts.”

Bill’s voice echoed from the puppet Dipper, “This isn't the last you'll hear of me! Big things are coming! You can't stop me!”

What he didn't know, was that his puppet was sitting on a pile of pyrotechnics.

With a whispered apology to Gabe, Mabel slammed her fist on the Big Finish button. The fireworks went off with a cacophonous boom, and the smouldering puppet Dipper landed at the real Dipper’s feet, allowing her to stamp on it gleefully.

As the disaster culminated and ended, the twins turned to the audience.

“Don't worry.” Mabel told Dipper, “I've seen enough movies to know this is the part where the audience thinks it was all part of the show and loves it. Cue applause!”

After another moment of silent staring, the audience began to boo, muttering about how they had almost been killed. After everyone left, the blond boy, Gabe, stood up, frowning.

Ever the optimist, Mabel called out to him, “Gabe! Stick around for the wrap party? We've got mini-quiches!”

Gabe, for lack of a better phrase, stuck his nose in the air, and replied haughtily, “Don't speak to me, Mabel. You've made a mockery of my art form.” Then, addressing his puppets, “Let's go, my loves.” With that, he walked out, making out with his hands.

Even after everything that had happened, Dipper still needed to confirm what she just saw with her sister.

“I might've dodged a bullet there.” Mabel said in reply.

Looking around, Dipper suddenly realized the amount of carnage around her. “Oof. Mabel, I'm sorry about all this. It's my fault your puppets got ruined.”

“Well, one of them survived,” She pulled out the Mabel puppet, “And she has something to say to you.” Then, as the puppet, “I'm sorry, Dipper. I spent all week obsessing over a guy, when I should've been helping my twin sister. Mystery Twins?”

“Mystery Twins.” Dipper replied with a smile. The two fist bumped, sending a jolt of pain up Dipper’s arm, making her gasp, “Ow! What'd Bill do to my hand?”

“Nothing a little sleep can't fix. Come on, sis, let's go home.”

“Seriously,” Dipper insisted, “I need to go to the hospital.”

 

~*~*~*~

  
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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK. So. This first chapter is a test run. Please comment what you thought, I need feedback. to live.


	2. Step two: Go looking for a secret society that wipes people's memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The search for the author takes Dipper into places she never expected to be taken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAA PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY READING THIS AAAAAAAAAA

 Memory

* * *

The next few days were just about as uneventful as you can get in Gravity Falls. Soos had a bit of trouble with a new girlfriend, and a suspicious new attraction appeared in the Mystery shack overnight, but other than that, everything was quiet.

Dipper took the opportunity to work on cracking her mystery- the question of the author. She filled a poster board above her bed with evidence and clues, littered with scribbled notes, and all tied together with yellow string. Even so, she was no closer to figuring it out.

Staring at the board, chewing on a pen, the girl muttered to herself, “Alright, author, who are you? Who… Are…” The pen burst between her teeth, sending a spray of ink directly into her mouth, making her gag. “Oh, crap. Not again.” With a sigh, she threw the broken pen into a box marked ‘Thinking pens’.

Just then, Mabel ran in, waving around a bottle. “Hey, twinsie! Look what I got!”

Confused, Dipper sarcastically replied, “Yay, a filthy green bottle!”

“It's a bottle message from Mermando, remember? He was part fish, part shirtless guy.” She gasped. “What if he wants to get back together?”

“I wouldn't get your hopes up, Mabel.” Dipper cautioned her twin.

“Too late! Hopes are way way up!” She squealed excitedly, opening the bottle and pulling out the letter. “‘Dear Mabel…’ So far so good! ‘It is with a heavy heart…’ So far so good! ‘...that I must inform you, I'm getting married’?!”

“And there it is.”

Mabel kept reading, “‘In order to prevent an undersea civil war... arranged wedding... Queen of the Manatees?!’” She pulled a picture out of the bottle. “And she's so beautiful! This can't be happening!”

“Oh, Mabel. You'll get over him eventually.” Dipper reassured her sister.

“You don't understand, Dipper.” Mabel said, pulling out her scrapbook. “On my first day here, I made this page for summer romances. Look at my luck!” She pointed at each picture, naming them, “Turned out to be a bunch of gnomes, child psycho, made out with his own hands… and now…” She dropped Mermando’s picture on top, then grabbed a red marker and angrily scribbled ‘Failed’ at the top of the page. “I wish I could just forget about them forever.”

“Well, if it's any consolation, my summer mission isn't a huge success either.” The twins stood from the bed to look at the poster board. “I'm still trying to find the author of this journal, but with this laptop smashed, I've lost any lead in finding him.”

Mabel seemed to notice something in the ruins of the computer. “Wait a minute.” She put the bottle to her eye, then gasped, “Dipper, look!”

“Through your bottle?”

“Just do it.”

The elder twin peered through the bottle, and noticed a logo entitled "McGucket Labs" magnified on the back of the laptop. “Wait, Old Man McGucket?”

“You don't think…?”

“It couldn't be. Doesn't make any sense, unless…” Dipper replied, before something occurred to her and she darted to the poster board, connections suddenly buzzing through her head. “This matches with this…” She muttered, “This goes over here… And then the name… So that would mean…” Standing back, looking at the board now filled with string pointing to links that Dipper had never seen before, she exclaimed in shock, “Old Man McGucket wrote the journals?!”

The mystery twins stared at the board, then looked at each other and realized in sync what they had to do.

“Car,” they said at the same time, then tore out of the room. Soos and Wendy were discussing something in the gift shop when the two came barreling in.

“Wendy, Soos, we need to go see Old Man McGucket!” Dipper called out to them as the twins ran by.

“We'll explain on the way!” Mabel finished.

Their urgency infected the employees and all four of them ran to the car, got in and drove off.

* * *

When they got to the junkyard, it took about fifteen minutes for the group to locate McGucket’s shed. Even that was only because Nate and Lee had found it first, and were laughing at something that they had spray-painted onto it.

The old man in question heard the boys as well, and ran out to chase them off, yelling, “Get outta here, you salt lickin', hornswagglin…” He broke off and muttered something before noticing the gang. “Visitors!” He cried, and ushered them in. “Pull up some rusty metal. You're just in time for my hourly turf war with the hillbilly what lives in my mirror.” He told them, then yelled at his reflection, “Quit starin' at me when I bathe!”

“You can drop the act, McGucket.” Dipper announced, “I know you're the author. You studied the mysteries of this town and wrote this book.” She held up the journal.

“Dude, you're the genius Dipper's been searching for all summer!” Wendy added.

“Uh, genius? I'm no genius.” McGucket said sadly, “I've never done nothin' worthwhile in my life. Everyone knows I'm no good to nobody. I can't remember what I used to be, but I must've been a big failure to end up like this.”

“But the laptop has your name on it.” Said Soos.

Dipper held up the journal. “What about this book?” She asked desperately, “Are you sure you didn't write it? Here, look closely.” She opened it and flipped through the pages.

“I told you, I don't recall. Everything before 1982 is just a blur. Just a hazy…”

When Dipper turned another page, he shrieked and jumped back. “The Blind Eye! Robes, the men, my mind! They did something!”

“Who did?!” Dipper demanded, looking at the page that had triggered the reaction. It was about a secret society named The Blind Eye- the author had drawn a picture of a man in a robe, and at the Center of the page was a large eye red a red X drawn over it.

The young girl’s mind filled with theories. “What if McGucket learned something he wasn't supposed to know, and someone, or… something,” her mind turned to a certain triangle, “messed with his mind? We've got to get to the bottom of this.”

“Think, dude.” Wendy faced the old man, “What is the earliest thing you can remember?”

“Uh, this is, I think.” He replied, pulling down a newspaper article about him being found, amnesiac, outside the local museum.

“The History Museum!” Wendy said.

“That's where we're going.” Dipper told the group decisively.

They had spent more time at the junkyard than they realized; by the time they got to the museum, it was closed. Despite Soos and McGucket's protestations, Dipper insisted that they go in anyway. “I need answers,” she told them, “We’ll go in through the windows.”

When they were all inside, Soos nervously called out, “Hello? Anyone here?”

“All right, keep your eyes peeled for anything suspicious.” Dipper ordered them. Then she addressed McGucket, “So your last memory was here. Anything coming back?”

Before the hillbilly had a chance to reply, Soos cried out, “Guys, look!”

Everyone looked in the direction he pointed in, and saw a shadowy figure disappear around a corner in the hall.

“Hey, who's there?” Dipper yelled, running after it. She managed to stay on its tail, with the rest of the group hot on her heels. Then, just as Dipper was about to catch up with it, it darted through a doorway. Dipper and Co. skidded to a stop, backtracked, and entered the room it had gone into.

The figure was nowhere to be seen.

“Well kettle my corn,” said McGucket, “He vanish-ified!”

“It doesn't make sense. Where did he go?” Dipper wondered.

The room they were in was full of depictions of eyes, with a fireplace on one side. There were pictures of eyes, models of eyes, jars full of eyeballs. McGucket, standing in a corner of the room, shifted and muttered uncomfortably, “I feel like all these eyeballs are a-watchin' me.”

Dipper threw the old man a glance- and noticed that he had a point. “Wait... they are!” It seemed that every eye in the room was strategically placed to look in the exact direction that McGucket was standing in. “Move aside.”

He did, revealing a yellow stone tablet, with an eye engraved on it. The tablet was roughly but definitely triangular- _coincidence? I think not_ , Dipper thought, moving to take a closer look.

She laid a hand on the stone, and pushed on it. There was a scraping sound behind her, and the group looked back to see the hearth slide up to open an entry.

“A secret passageway.” Dipper murmured in awe.

“We'll have to be stealthy. I'll hambone a message if there's trouble.” McGucket said, and slapped his arms and thighs in quick succession.

“I have no idea what that means.” Dipper told him.

After a short debate on who should go down the passage, the group settled on everyone. So, one by one, they crept down the staircase.

At the bottom was a small alcove, separated from whatever lay outside by a deep red curtain. Dipper opened it slightly, allowing them to look through into a large circular chamber. They saw red-robed figures, standing in a circle around a chair and a dais with a box on it, chanting.

One hooded figure stepped out, and said in a deep, commanding voice and a creepy British accent, “Who is the subject of our meeting?”

Two more hooded figures came in, dragging Lazy Susan between them. “This woman.” They chanted, monotone, and placed her into the chair.

“Lazy Susan?” Mabel gasped.

The deep voice addressed the woman, “What is it you have seen?”

Suzan looked around uncertainly, but when the others in unison commanded her to speak, she stuttered out, “Uh, well, uh, I was leaving the diner, and I saw these little bearded doodads, and I was, like, ‘Whaaa?’”

The deep voice turned to the dais and opened the box. “There, there.” He said, pulling out what looked like a gun, but with a glass barrel. “You won't be like ‘Whaaa?’ for much longer.”

“What is that gizmo?” Lazy Susan asked. “It looks like a hair dryer. Are you guys barbers?” She was cut off as a bright ray from the glass gun hit her square in the face.

When the beam faded, Suzan was left with a blank look on her face. The gun wielder asked, “Lazy Susan, what do you know of little bearded men?”

Suzan replied, in a monotone voice, “My mind is cleared, thanks to the Society of the Blind Eye.”

At this, all the figures raised their arms and chanted, “It is unseen.”

“Oh my god.” Dipper murmured, “They erased Lazy Susan's memory.”

McGucket hamboned something.

“Guys, are you seeing this?” Said the teen, turning to the others, “They just wiped Lazy Susan's memory!”

“They should've wiped off that awful mascara.” Soos remarked with a laugh.

Mabel and Wendy turned on him angrily. Mabel’s, “I think she looks beautiful!” Was followed closely by Wendy’s, “She's doing the best she can, Soos!”

Soos held up his hands in a pacifying gesture. “Whoa, touched a nerve there.”

The society member who had shot the gun spoke up again, “Lazy Susan, how do you feel?”

“I feel great!” She exclaimed, being led away, “I can't even remember what was wrong! Or what I'm doing here! …Or if I'm a man or a woman!”

“Your memories will be safe with us,” he said, “buried in the Hall of the Forgotten.” He pressed a button on the ray gun and a tube fell out. He scribbled something on it, and walked over to a glass pipe opening. As the others chanted, “Into the hall of the forgotten,” over and over, he placed the tube into the opening to be sucked off to god knows where.

As soon as that was done, the deep-voiced member said, “Meeting adjourned.” At that, the society members began to chat and pal around. They dispersed, leaving the room empty.

“Amazing.” Dipper burst out, as soon as it was safe, “A secret society of evil mind erasers. I'll bet they erased your memory a long time ago. If we could find where your memories have been hidden, it could be the key to unlocking all the mysteries of Gravity Falls!” The young girl’s mind quickly formulated a plan. “All right, Mabel, Wendy, you two stay here and make sure those robe guys don't come back.”

Wendy whooped. “Girls club!”

“Soos, you, me, and McGucket are gonna go find the Hall of the Forgotten.”

While she spoke, Soos had gone over to examine the pipe. When he bent over to look, his hat was sucked in with a loud _schloop!_

“Follow that hat!” Dipper yelled.

The hat led the three of them across the entire museum, all the way down to the basement to a pair of huge wooden doors. Above them, the words, **‘The Hall of the Forgotten’** were written in big wooden letters.

Dipper pushed the doors open.

“Honey fogelin', saltlickin' skullduggery.” McGucket exclaimed in awe.

The room was filled with memory vials. They were stacked in piles from the floor to the ceiling.

“Look at all these tubes,” Soos commented, “People must've been getting their memories erased all over town.”

They explored the room, looking at different vials. Dipper found one marked ‘Robbie V. Memories’.

“Whoa, look at this.” She placed the tube into a machine. The screen faded in from static with the same deep voice as they heard in the chamber. “Yes, Robbie, what is it that you have seen?”

Robbie began to talk animatedly, “So I was attacked by this magic kung fu guy that was throwing, like, balls of fire at me. I kicked his butt though.”

“Robbie,” the voice chided, “speak honestly.”

Robbie hung his head. “I was saved by a 12-year-old.”

Dipper turned off the video. “Why are they erasing peoples' memories? I still don't get it.”

“Looky, fellers.” He pointed to a tube on a shelf labelled ‘McGucket Memories’. “It's those words what people call me.”

While the old man scrambled up to the shelf, Soos exclaimed in triumph, “Oh, dude, your memories. We did it!”

“Grabby, grabby.” McGucket snatched the tube out of its spot. “I got it!”

A loud, blaring alarm went off.

All three of them jumped. McGucket, in a panic, screamed, “The alarm in my brain is a-ringin' again!”

The heavy doors to the Hall slammed open, and a voice yelled, “Halt! Who's there?”

They ran, with the society member’s “Get back here!” Ringing in their ears as he chased them.

Finally, they found an alcove to hide in, so dark that they couldn't see the far wall.

“Okay, I think we're safe.” Dipper whispered, when hands reached out from the shadows to cover her and Soos's eyes.

“We playing "Guess Who"?” Soos asked, “Dude, I know it's you, Dipper. Such big… strong hands…”

“Soos-” the teen started, but was cut off when they were whisked away.

They were carried along for a while, before being dragged into an open chamber. The members carrying them shoved the two down next to a pole, which Mabel and Wendy were already tied to, and bound Soos and Dipper next to them.

The deep voiced figure stepped forward. “You shouldn't have come here. We do not give up our secrets lightly.”

“Who are you bathrobe-wearing freaks?” Wendy yelled.

“Why are you doing this?” Dipper added.

“What's with your creepy British accent?” Mabel inquired.

“Well,” said he, “I suppose we are going to erase your minds anyway.”

One by one, the Society members unmasked, revealing various Gravity Falls citizens- Toby Determined, Bud Gleeful, ‘that farmer guy’, as Wendy put it, among others.

Soos recognized one of them, “Creepy dude who married a woodpecker? You too?” And as an afterthought, he added, “How's that marriage goin’, by the way?”

The woodpecker guy replied, “Oh, great, great.” Then, whispering, “Not great.”

The man with the British accent spoke, “And you've never met me before. And if you had, you wouldn't remember.” He removed his hood, revealing a bald tattooed head and a red scar through one eye. “I am Blind Ivan, and we are the Society of the Blind Eye. Formed many years ago by our founder... our founder…” He trailed off, then asked his co conspirators, “Does anyone remember who he was?”

Bud shrugged. “We've been usin' that ray on our own brains an awful lot.”

Dipper shook her head and asked incredulously, “Why would you do all this? What do you have to gain?”

Blind Ivan turned to her. “As you have no doubt discovered, Gravity Falls is a town plagued with supernatural strangeness. No one knew how to stop the things that went bump in the night, so our founder invented the next best thing: a way for us to forget. We took it upon ourselves to help the troubled townsfolk by erasing the memories of the strange things they've seen. Now the people of Gravity Falls go about their lives ignorant and happy, thanks to us. And as a perk, we help ourselves forget things that trouble us. Everyone has something they'd rather forget. In fact, your own sister was about to use that ray on herself. Isn't that right?”

Dipper shot her twin a look. “Mabel? Seriously?”

Mabel giggled nervously, then hung her head ruefully, “maybe…”

The elder twin glared at Blind Ivan. “Don't you see?” She shouted at him, “This is ruining lives! What about Old Man McGucket? He lives in a hut and talks to animals, thanks to you. Don't you feel bad about that?”

“Maybe a little.” He admitted. Then, he calmly shot himself in the head with the ray. “But not anymore. You won't be telling anyone else what you've learned here. Say good-bye to your summer.”

While he took out the tube that contained his regret, Soos quickly began to talk, “Guys, if we're gonna forget everything, I got some stuff I wanna get off my chest. Mabel, for half the summer, I thought your name was Maple, like the syrup. No one corrected me!”

As the society leader slid an new, empty tube in, Mabel followed suit, “I only love some of my stuffed animals, and the guilt is killing me!”

Panic overcame logic in Dipper’s mind, and she joined in, “Sometimes I use big words, and I don't actually know what they mean. I mean, I'm supposed to be the smart one. If I'm not the smart one, who am I?”

Wendy chimed in when Ivan began to set up the ray, “Okay, I'm not actually laid back. I'm stressed, like, 24/7. Have you met my family!?”

They continued confessing to and over one another, when Blind Ivan interrupted them, “Oh, stop being a bunch of babies.”

He raised the gun. All four of them were terrified, of course, but for some reason, Dipper couldn't help feeling crushingly disappointed. She'd put so much work, so much time into unraveling the mystery of the author, and now she wouldn't even remember caring.

The gun clattered on the floor. McGucket stood before his memory thief, having knocked the weapon out of his hand.

“McGucket?!” Everyone exclaimed.

“I raided the mining display for weapons.” He replied, cutting them loose, “Now fight like a hillbilly, fellers!” Everyone grabbed a weapon; a banjo, a stuffed raccoon. Soos grabbed an informational display about dysentery, saying, “Oh, nobody better mess!”

Following the cliche, Blind Ivan proclaimed, “They know too much. Don't let them escape!”

As the fight raged around her, Dipper spotted McGucket’s memory tube, and slipped away to grab it.

Tats, the local bar bouncer, stepped in front of her. “Oh no you don't!”

The huge man wound up for a punch and the terrified teenager put the vial into a transport pipe, ducking as his fist hit the wall behind her. She yelled, “Mabel, catch!” to her sister as it zoomed around the room.

The younger twin zipped to the pipe opening where the vial was headed, but Sprott, the town grocer, snatched it first, with a “I'll take that, thank you.” tube in hand, he trotted off, only to meet Soos and his dysentery. “Give it up, boy. You're no match for the unstoppable power of-” he was cut off with a yelp as his robe was caught in the tube by Mabel and ripped off, leaving him in his underwear. “That's right, I don't wear nothin' under my robe.” He stated proudly. “Not gonna apologize for that. Maybe y'all should apologize for bein' a bunch of prudes.”

This distracted everyone, allowing Blind Ivan to wrestle the ray gun from Soos. Then, lunging at Dipper, “Give me that tube!”

She darted away, clutching it protectively. “Never! That memory belongs to McGucket!”

“The Society's secrets belong to us!” He cornered the group and pointed the ray at them. “End of the line. By tomorrow, this will all seem like a bad dream. Say goodbye to your precious memories.” And he fired the gun.

“No!” Dipper shielded her eyes, dreading the moment that the ray reached her. It never did. She cautiously opened her eyes to find that McGucket had jumped in front of the group, catching the ray. “McGucket,” She gasped, “You took a bullet for me.” She gasped as McGucket was shot with the ray again. "Oh my god! Are you okay?!"

"Okay as I'll ever be!” He laughed.

"What?" Was the only thing Dipper could say.

Blind Ivan, in a panic, kept shooting at McGucket, muttering, "Why... isn't... this... working?" between each zap.

McGucket answered, slowly walking towards him, "Hit me with your best shot, Baldy. But my mind's been gone for thirty-odd years. You can't break what's already broken!" The old man reached the bald one, grabbed him by his shoulders, said "Say goodnight, Sally!" and headbutted Blind Ivan, hard enough to knock him out.

After having taken care of the leader, the rest of the society was easy enough to dispatch. Without Blind Ivan, they were unorganized and panicked. In the end, Dipper and her group had the society tied up to the same pole that the society had them tied to.

Blind Ivan, after having woken up, squirmed and complained. “Unhand us!”

“It isn't so fun being tied up, is it?” Soos asked smugly.

Meanwhile, dipper had just about figured out the ray gun. The dial on the back, with letters inscribed in it, was used to type out what one wanted to erase.

“We'll have our revenge.” Blind Ivan was saying when dipper returned to the conversation. “We'll never forget what you've done.”

“Oh, I think you just might.” The young girl replied. She dialed in ‘Society of the Blind Eye’, held up the ray gun, told the protesting troop, “Say cheese.” And fired.

* * *

When all the townsfolk had been sent home, and the five adventurers gathered in the Hall of the Forgotten, Dipper held up the memory tube. “All right, McGucket, are you ready to see your memories? Find out who you really are?”

McGucket hesitated. “I'm not so sure. What if I don't like what I see?”

“We've come all this way,” Mabel urged him, “Go on.”

McGucket nodded to Dipper, who put the tube into the machine. An image of a young man in a lab coat popped up on the screen.  
“My name is Fiddleford Hadron McGucket,” said the man on the screen, “And I wish to unsee what I have seen.”

Everyone gasped.

“Sweet sarsaparilla.” Old Man McGucket murmured. Younger McGucket continued, “For the past year, I have been working as an assistant for a visiting researcher. He has been cataloging his findings about Gravity Falls in a series of journals.” Dipper looked at her journal in a sudden burst of clarity. “I helped him build a machine which he believed had the potential to benefit all mankind, but something went wrong. I decided to quit the project. But I lie awake at night, haunted by the thoughts of what I've done. I believe I have invented a machine that can permanently erase these memories from my mind.” He held up the memory erasing ray. “Test subject One: Fiddleford.” He shot it. The screen went to static for a moment, then came back on. “It worked! I can't recall a thing!” Some of his words were cut out by static, and he came back in holding up a black book with the society's symbol drawn on it in red. “I call it the Society of the Blind Eye. We will help those who want to forget by erasing their bad memories!” The next picture showed McGucket more disheveled and nervous. “Today, I came across a colony of little men, very disturbing. I would like to forget seeing this.” In the next, McGucket's lab was a mess and his arm was in a cast. “I accidentally hit another car in town today. I feel terri-bibble! Terrible. I've been forgetting words lately. I wonder if there are any negative side effects…” Static. McGucket had a beard and was filming from a motel. “I saw something in the lake, something big!” Static. “My hair's been a-fallin' out, so I got this hat from a scarecrow. Hey, are my pants on backwards? Static. McGucket was wild-eyed and filming from the junkyard. He was giggling maniacally, saying “Yroo Xrksvi! Girzmtov!”

The tape ended.

“Oh, McGucket,” Mabel murmured, “I'm so sorry.”

“Aw, hush.” McGucket replied, “You kids helped me get my memories back, just like you said.”

“But did you want those memories back?”

“After all these years,” he said, “I finally know who I am. Maybe I messed up in the past, but now that I seen what happened, I can begin to put myself together again.” He hamboned something on his arms and legs, with a sentimental look on his face.

“Still don't know what that means.” Dipper informed him. “So, wait. You weren't the author, but you worked with him. Do you remember who he was?”

“It's beginning to come back,” the old man said slowly, “but I need more time. And reading glasses.” He picked up and put on a pair that were lying on the desk. “Heck! I got some rememberin' to do.”

“So Mabel,” Wendy said, “You still wanna erase those failed summer romances?”

Mabel thought for a moment. “You know, no one likes having bad memories, but maybe it's better to remember the bad things and learn from them than to go all denial crazy trying to forget.”

“That's some mature junk right there.” The redhead commented.

“Yep. Miss Mature. That's me.” She affirmed, right before adding, “Hey, you wanna help me vandalize this picture of my jerky ex-crush?”

And they all did.

On their way home, Dipper lent Journal 3 to McGucket, to look at. “It's all so familiar…" The old man said, flipping through the pages. “It's almost like I can remember…”

“It will take time," Dipper told him, “but if you need help, if you need to talk, you can always come to me. I just wanted you to know that.”

They arrived at the junkyard, and with a grateful smile and thank you, McGucket got out of the car and waved after them as they drove away.

* * *

_UR M RVCB, HGGKW OSDBVP UR FVV FMPX CW RTI RCIEAXFSE, JMC NIIGQH ABV TUEX HYYF AMG UGRJQFVLFJDCD RTI AHYCDW. IVZJQ XTS FRTID JZYXW' XOSCXW TSCB FLQ BRKQW AT KFAWQ KYMEI YSDMDMQG KFQC OCERMMZSU, RTME CEC EEUR FLXC "BWECE JMAZJK KQBVRUG TWJRAVK"._

_WW RTI BWECE XIWEQ- AV MBPMZI, RCI RTEF ARRFID, VRB PIOWUCP XA GKYK, XMYV Y XSAY RPAYZR, JMDX FVIMGKT OCJ FLQ GKMXIZ AFKQRFG ZL FLQ FFMY, XTSP KUKTH YYHI RCLLP XTWJ KQQAFP. RTIK AZETX TOMC BPMMVB UX, MBU BUWOCMCDIP WE RTI HWUCA XTOK GF AAICB TEHS JFAAZ HYYF XTS GGZIE TRKUPK VRPNSGFJ Y FIDFZZXI ESTPQX._

_FVV NURQG JCOVQH- JMYIFVZLS WA DFUQVRIC, QA HMBXCDSGG, KFMX UH NMGPP GYYWI FVV TQVK TFSZHMHZMZW AT KFQ YZWMCDWQ. O JCOVQH KFMX IOJ, TQVK JVPK VQQVLFPK, RZQOSHSICP FK O UPQEY RVKAR._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES HERE TAKE IT TAKE IT ALL PLEASE KEEP READING DON'T ABANDON ME


	3. Step Three: Flirt with the aforementioned dream demon at a party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper is privy to a ghost story that's a little more ghost, and a little less story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit chapter 3 y'all

 Ghost

* * *

“You asked for it, you got it!” Said the tv, “An entire 48-hour marathon of Ghost Harassers on the Used-to-be-About-History Channel!”

Dipper, who was lounging on the armchair in front of the tv, sighed contentedly and patted her stomach. “Be strong, bladder,” she said, “We’re not gonna move till sunset.”

Suddenly, the program cut out, and the voice of Toby Determined announced, “We interrupt this program to bring you breaking news!”

Dipper groaned. “Aw, what?”

Mabel came out of nowhere and jumped into the chair, with a squealed “It’s starting!”

Candy appeared on Dipper’s other side, exclaiming, “Turn it up!”

Grenda yelling “Make way for Grenda!” did not prepare them for the girl falling onto the chair on top of all three of them, nearly squashing Dipper and breaking a lamp.

The tv showed Toby Determined standing outside Northwest Manor. “Well, tonight’s the night, but I’ve been out here for days!” the reporter announced, and the camera zoomed out to reveal a tattered and filthy Toby. “The Northwest family’s annual high-society-shindig-ball-soiree is here, and even though common folk aren’t let in, that doesn’t stop us from camping out for a peek at the fanciness!”

The Mabel squad ooh’d.

Dipper, still a tad ticked about the loss of her marathon, demanded irksomely, “Okay, can someone _please_ explain why people care about this?”

“It’s basically the best party of all time.” Grenda said, “Rich food, richer boys!”

Mabel joined in, “They say each gift basket has a live quail inside!”

Candy pressed herself up to the tv, which now showed Pacifica Northwest winning something and waving at the crowd. “Give me your life, Pacifica.”

Dipper scoffed. “Guys, in case you’ve already forgotten, Pacifica Northwest is the worst.” There was a knock at the door, and Dipper went to get it, all the while continuing, “And that’s not just jealousy talking. I’d say that to her face.” She then looked through the open door and saw Pacifica Northwest.

“I need your help.”

Fulfilling her promise, Dipper calmly stated, “You’re the worst.” and slammed the door.

“See?” she said at the three girls’ gasps.

There was another knock, more insistent this time. Knowing who lay behind it, Dipper was reluctant to open it again.

“Look,” Pacifica started, the second the door swung open, “You think it’s easy for me to come here? I don’t want to be seen in this hovel. But there’s something haunting Northwest Manor.” She took off her sunglasses and looked pleadingly at Dipper. “If you don’t help me, the party could be ruined!”

“And why should I trust you?” Dipper retorted, “All you’ve ever done is try to humiliate me and Mabel.”

“Just name your price, okay? I’ll give you anything.”

Mabel popped up in the doorway. “Hi Pacifica! Excuse us.” She whisked Dipper away by the arm. “Dipper! Don’t you see what this means? If you help Pacifica, you could get us invites to the greatest party of all time!”

Dipper couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “What? Mabel, this is _Pacifica_ we’re talking about!”

“But it's Candy and Grenda's dream!” She begged, gesturing at her friends.

“Fine!” Dipper said exasperatedly. Then, leaning out the door to Pacifica, “I'll bust your ghost. But, in exchange, I'll need three tickets to the party.”

Pacifica growled, then rooted around in her purse and pulled out three overly fabulous envelopes. “You're just lucky I'm desperate.”

Mabel, Candy, and Grenda whooped and chanted, “Desperate! Desperate! Desperate!”

As Dipper went to go get dressed, she heard Mabel yell, “Grenda, get the glue gun. We're making dresses!”

* * *

Pacifica must’ve guessed that they would agree, and had brought a limo. It drove them to the Northwest Manor, which they had seen before, but only from the outside. As the gates opened and the limo drove through (passing what looked like the entire town, held back by security guards), Mabel and her friends pressed themselves up to the windows, gawking at every little thing, from the windows to the peacocks. Dipper was uninterested, and sat back in the seat, earning a surprised look from Pacifica.

The long car drove right up to the steps leading to the big front doors of the mansion. When the group walked up to them, they opened, revealing the main hall.

“Welcome to Northwest Manor, dorks.” Pacifica announced, “Try not to touch anything.”

Mabel, Grenda and Candy ran off into the house, giggling and uttering miscellaneous exclamations of wonder.

Preston Northwest, Pacifica’s father, noticed the new arrivals and walked up to them. “Ah, if it isn't the woman of the hour! Hopefully you can help us with our little... situation, before the guests arrive in an hour.”

“I'll do my best.” Dipper assured him, wondering for a moment whether she should ask for payment. She decided otherwise.

“Splendid! Pacifica, take our guest to the ‘problem room,’...” he lowered his voice, rendering the rest inaudible to the ghost hunter.

After a hushed conversation with her dad, Pacifica grabbed Dipper’s arm and dragged her off to a dressing room. There, she tried to convince the young adventuress to wear a dress, which Dipper stoically refused. Finally, they reached a compromise, wherein the aristocrat allowed Dipper to wear a tux instead. Her regular clothes, as much as Dipper protested, were out of the question.

She emerged from the changing stall tugging at her collar. “It's like this damn thing is trying to strangle me. Who do you guys think you're impressing with all this?”

“Um, everyone.” Pacifica replied like it was obvious, tying Dipper's bow tie. “You wouldn't understand. High standards are what make the Northwest family great.”

“Funny, I thought it was lying about founding the town.” The Pines reminded her, fiddling with a picture frame's tassel. She let that go quickly, however, when Pacifica snapped “Don't touch that!”

After that, it was straight to a room whose name Dipper forgot as soon as Pacifica told it to her.

The room was smaller than the others that they had gone through, with dead stuffed animal heads on the walls, paintings, a fireplace, and lots of dark wooden furniture. The whole room was lit by the fireplace which gave it a dark reddish light.

“This is the main room where it's been happening.” Pacifica informed her.

“Yep, this looks like the kind of room that would be haunted, all right. I wouldn't worry about it, though.” Opening the journal to the page on ghosts, she showed it to the rich girl. “Ghosts fall on a ten-category scale. Floating plates sound like a Category 1.”

Pacifica snorted. “So what? Are you gonna bore him back into the afterlife by reading from this book?”

Dipper didn’t allow herself to be irked. “Just gotta splash this sucker with some anointed water,” she held up a small, round bottle of it, “and he should be out of your probably-fake blonde hair.”

“What was that about my hair?”

The brunette grabbed an EMF detector out of her bag and shushed her. “I'm picking something up.”

She walked further into the room, stopping before a tall painting of a lumberjack over the fireplace. The device lost its signal for a moment.

“C'mon, stupid thing.” she muttered, tapped the detector, and the signal returned. “There we go.” and she looked back at the painting.

The lumberjack inside had disappeared.

Dipper gulped. “Uh, Pacifica?”

Pacifica screamed as blood dripped down next to her from above. Both girls looked up to see blood swelling from the mouths of the stuffed animal heads on the walls.

Suddenly, the fire burst out of the fireplace, startling them, and the heads on the walls began to chant, “ **ANCIENT SINS. ANCIENT SINS. ANCIENT SINS. ANCIENT SINS.** ” The chanting continued as books, furniture, and antique weapons flew around Dipper and Pacifica, and the chandelier above them crackled dangerously.

Pacifica grabbed onto Dipper’s arm, terrified. “Dipper, what is this?!”

Dipper looked down in horror at the the page that she had opened. “It's a Category 10.”

The bottle of anointed water shattered, and Dipper and Pacifica screamed. The animal heads changed their speech. “ **ANCIENT BLOOD AND BLACKENED SKIES. THE FOREST DARK SHALL ONCE MORE RISE.** ”

Pacifica, panicking, shook Dipper by the collar. “What do we do, what do we do?!”

Dipper grabbed her shoulders. “Don't worry. It can't get worse than this!” she reassured her.

She was wrong.

The fire flamed up again, and Dipper and Pacifica hid under a table as a giant black skeleton emerged from the fire. The body that formed around the skeleton was of an enormous lumberjack, just like the one from the painting, except with a beard made of fire and an ax in his head. The ghost took a long, deep breath in, then growled, “I smell... A Northwest!” he took the ax out of his head with a sickening squelch, and he began to drag it along the floor, saying, “Come out, come out, wherever you are!”

“Hurry!” Pacifica hissed, “Read through your dumb book already!”

“I'm looking!” Dipper hissed back, “And it's not dumb, okay? This book is gonna save our lives! Alright, here we go.” she found the category ten page and held up her portable blacklight. “Advice: ‘Pray for mercy.’ Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me.”

That’s when the table rose up and floated away, revealing them to the ghost. “You shouldn’t have come here!” he yelled, slicing at them with the ax.

They dodged it, just barely, and Pacifica grabbed Dipper by the arm and pulled her to a doorway, screaming, “This way! Hurry!”

* * *

The Mabel squad, in the meantime, were enjoying the beginning of the party; flirting with rich boys, gossiping with rich girls, and enjoying the magnificent food. Candy stood by the table with two fondue fountains on it, one with cheese, one with chocolate. She held a fondue fork and covered it with first one, then the other, muttering, “Cheese… Chocolate… Cheese… Chocolate…”

Mabel approached her and put her hands on Candy’s shoulders. “Candy, listen to me carefully. You're caught in a sweet-savory loop. Put the fondue fork down.”

“I want to,” her friend whimpered, “but I can't.”

This issue was, however, forgotten when the butler rang for an introduction. It had happened many times before, as the guests arrived one by one, but all three girls gasped when he named the new arrival. “Introducing Baron Marius von Fundshauser.”

The doors opened and the young baron was revealed, making the girls swoon.

“...plus one.” The butler finished, and just as he said this, a breathtakingly beautiful young woman in a bright yellow cocktail dress stepped into the doorway beside him and linked her arm in his.

The girls were shocked. They clumped together in a panic and all started talking at the same time.

“Who is she?” Candy urged, “I thought he was single!”

“Well, the guest list never said his relationship status.” Grenda replied.

Mabel hushed them. “Girls. Girls. Relax. We don't know anything yet. One of us should go talk to them, find out what the deal is.” Silence. “So… who's gonna go?”

Candy and Grenda looked at each other, then back at Mabel.

She got the hint and rolled her eyes, sighing, “Fine.”

She turned from her friends, plucked up her courage, and walked toward the Austrian couple.

The young woman in the yellow dress noticed her coming. “Well, you are popular tonight, Mari.” She murmured to the baron.

The latter, confused, answered, “What do you mean?”

“We haven't been here five minutes, and already we’re being approached by a girl.” She gestured at the nearing Mabel.

The Pines girl reached them with a cheery, “Hello!”

“Guten tag,” Marius replied politely.

The young woman was a perceptive one, and noticed instantly that the brunette had only cast a worried glance at her before turning her full attention to the boy.

“I'll go see what the buffet has to offer,” she said, “find me when you're done, dear brother.” She put a hand on his shoulder, as if in reminder, smiled, and left.

He smiled after her, then turned to Mabel, who was consciously trying to hide her relief. “So, that's your sister?” She inquired, feigning nonchalance.

He hesitated a bit longer than was strictly necessary, then assented, “Yes, Isabella, my dear sister. Although, she prefers to be called Belle. What is your name?”

“Mabel,” the girl answered, “So, Australia, huh? Do you guys eat kangaroo meat over there, or… are they… strictly pets?”

* * *

On the other side of the house, Pacifica and Dipper were busy fleeing from the ghost, through a myriad of different rooms. Pacifica was doing the leading, and once in a while would yell out something like, “This way! into the Gallery!” or, “Hurry! Through the garden! Watch out for peacocks!”

Dipper, head in the journal, ran into a peacock as they ran through a courtyard. The plants had just been watered, and some careless gardener had left a hose on, making the path wet and muddy under their shoes. 

Dipper desperately searched through the pages of the journal. “Come on, come on- I got it! Haunted paintings can only be trapped in a silver mirror.” She looked up and saw exactly that, in a pristine white room right ahead of them. “Look! There's a silver mirror right there!”

Just as they were about to enter, however, Pacifica grabbed her arm, stopping her with one foot just above the carpeted floor of the room. “Wait! Don't go in there! This room has my parents' favorite carpet pattern! They'll lose it if we track mud in there!”

“What?” Dipper retorted, “Are you serious?!”

She tried to force her way into the room, but the other held her back. “We'll find another way!”

In the distance, the ghost called out, laughing, “Come out!”

“Pacifica, we don't have time for this! Let me through!”

“No, my parents will kill me!”

“Why are you so afraid of your parents?!”

“You wouldn't understand!” She reached for the journal, and Dipper suddenly noticed a dark purple bruise on her wrist, which had been previously hidden by her glove.

All at once, she realized.

Pacifica tugged on the journal while the other was distracted, tripping them both and causing them to fall through a painting of a skeleton in a crown and robe into a dark, dusty, cobwebbed room. Dipper groaned, getting up. “What is this place?”

“That's weird.” the blonde remarked, “I have no idea. I’ve never been here before.”

“Hopefully the ghost hasn't either.”

“Yeah. Maybe we're safe.” As she said this, a sheet behind her seemed to come alive, reaching out to swallow her.

Dipper noticed just in time and shouted, “Pacifica, watch out!”

The latter turned, saw, and screamed. The sheet fell, revealing the ghost who boomed, “Your fate is sealed!” The Northwest ran and he pursued her, knocking over a box of silver dishes, utensils and other objects in doing so. Among these things was, “A silver mirror!”

The ghost had cornered Pacifica and now roared, “Prepare to die, Northwest!”

Just as it seemed he was about to kill her, Dipper dashed in front of Pacifica, holding up the mirror. The ghost’s momentum as he hit the mirror with a cry of shock and anger sent the girls out the window and tumbling down the lawn outside, entangled in a window drape.

Digging herself out of the curtain, Pacifica demanded, “Did you get him?”

Dipper held up the mirror. The ghost, trapped inside, pounded on the mirror’s interior and howled, “No! Free me!” and other such angry things.

The ghost-hunter laughed triumphantly. “Yes!” she held up her hand, offering the other girl a high-five.

The latter exclaimed, “We did it!” then sent herself past the hand to hug the brunette. When she realized what she was doing, she backed off awkwardly. She cleared her throat and held out a dollar, avoiding eye contact with Dipper. “Can I pay you to pretend that never happened?”

Dipper held back laughter, then grabbed the dollar with a curt, “Deal.”

* * *

They made their way back to the house silently, and were found in yet another one of the gardens by Preston and Priscilla. When Dipper told them what had happened, and showed them the mirror, Preston grinned and praised his daughter, “Well, Pacifica, you really found the right person for the job.” At a snap of his fingers, the butler came to shake her hand.

“We can't thank you enough.” Priscilla gushed, but when the butler kept shaking, her voice soured. “That's enough.”

“Hey, just holding up my end of the deal.” The pre-teen replied, and turned to leave.

Pacifica piped up. “Wait, leaving already? You're at the world's best party, idiot.”

“I'd love to stay,” Dipper replied, “but I've got a Category 10 ghost to dispose of.” Attempting an air of confident nonchalance, she promptly walked into a garden pillar, then tried to play it off with a chuckle and a “Category 10.” As she walked out the garden, she remarked to herself, “Call me crazy, but, maybe she's not that bad after all.” Upon hearing this, the ghost, who had until now been silent, laughed malignly.

“What are you laughing about, man? I defeated you.”

“You've been had, girl. You remind me of me a hundred and fifty years ago.”

“What do you mean?”

The ghost bowed his head wistfully and began to tell his tale. “One hundred and fifty years ago this day, the Northwests asked us lumber-folk to build them a mansion atop the hill. We were told t'would be a service to the town, that once a year they would throw a grand party, and all would share in the bounty. It took years of backbreaking labor and sacrifice, but when it was time for the grand party they promised the common folk of the town, they refused to let us in. With the trees gone, the mudslides began. While they partied and laughed, I was swept away by the storm, and…” he gestured to the axe wound in his head. “And so I said with final breath, ‘One-fifty years I'll return from death, and if the gate's still closed to town, wealthy blood will stain the ground!’ A curse passed down until this day.”

A cold feeling had settled in the pit of Dipper’s stomach. “So, wait a minute. The Northwests knew this haunting was coming, and they tricked me into helping them to avoid ghostly justice?” the ghost nodded. The girl thought for a moment, then put the mirror down, telling the ghost inside, “I'll be right back.”

She marched up to the grand doors angrily. “Northwests!” she yelled, shoving them open, “You've got some explaining to do!”

“Dipper!” Pacifica exclaimed upon seeing her, “You came back!”

“You lied to me!” came the fuming reply, with an accusatory finger pointed at the young blueblood, “All of you did! All you had to do was let the townsfolk into the party and you could've broken the curse! But you made me do your dirty work instead!”

Preston’s warm expression faded as he leaned down to Dipper threateningly. “Young lady, look at who you're talking to. I'm hosting a party for the most powerful people in the world. You think they'd come here if they had to rub elbows with your kind?”

“‘My kind?’” The young girl parroted indignantly, then looked at Pacifica who looked rather sheepish. “I was right about you all along. You're just as bad as your parents. Another link in the world's worst chain!”

“I'm sorry, they made me!” the latter began, “I should've told you, but-” Her father had pulled out a small golden bell, and when he rang it, a look of fear flashed across her face, followed by meek obedience.

“Enjoy the party!” said Preston, mockingly, “It's the last time you and your kind will ever come.”

Overcome by fury, she pivoted and marched out of the house.

Not knowing what else to do, she returned to the mirror, picked it up, and went off to perform her exorcism. “Stupid Northwests,” she muttered as she set up, “Making me do their exorcism for them.” She laid the mirror down and began to recite, “‘Exodus demonus, spookus scarus, aintafraidus noghostus-’”

“Dipper…” the ghost interrupted her, “Dipper! Please let me get my vengeance on the Northwests! You hate them as much as I.”

“Hey, I feel you. It's just, my sister's in there, and you seem a little unstable, man.”

“Very well. Then... before you banish my soul, may these tired lumber eyes gaze upon the trees one final time?”

“Uh... I guess.” she held the mirror up to face the forest. “Go nuts, man.”

The ghost cackled madly and the mirror became red-hot. As it burned her hand, Dipper dropped it with a gasp of shock and pain, and it shattered on the ground, releasing the ghost back to the mansion.

“Yes!” He cried as he flew, “Vengeance!”

He entered the house, and Dipper, horrified, only managed to utter, “Mabel.”

* * *

The party was in full swing, all the guests having arrived, and Preston had begun making a toast to the Northwest family name, when his glass shattered and the long-dead lumberjack came crawling from the fireplace, his words resounding through the room, “Generations locked away, my revenge shall have its day!”

He raised an arm, and a bright beam of blue flame shot out from it. It hit one of the guests, and with a scream, he turned to wood. With that one action, all hell broke loose. Guests began running and screaming in every direction. The ghost fired the beam at everyone he could see. Dead taxidermy animals started to come alive and advance on the guests.

Priscilla hung on her husband’s arm and asked desperately, “Preston, what are we going to do?”

He replied, grimly, “Prepare the panic room.”

The front doors flew open with a flash of lightning and thunder, and through them entered Dipper, soaking from the rain, agape in shock at what she saw. One of the guests who had been struck and was trying to escape, reached out towards her. “Please,” he begged, “help me!” with that, he froze, wooden.

Dipper recoiled, with a startled exclamation of, “Whoa! That is… messed up!”

The ghost, hovering above it all, laughed and boomed, “Just one way to change your fates: a Northwest must open the gates!”

Dipper cast a searching glance around the room. “A Northwest? …Pacifica!”

She found her after twenty minutes or so, in the secret room that they had discovered. “Pacifica! There you are! The ghost is turning everyone to wood, and he just started rhyming? For some reason?” She tugged on the Northwest’s hand. “I need your help!” The blonde pulled her hand away. “Pacifica?”

Pacifica raised her head, and Dipper saw tears glistening on her cheeks in the half-light. “You wanna know why this room was locked up?” She said quietly, “This is what I found in here. A painted record of every horrible thing that my family's ever done.” she pointed a flashlight at a series of awful paintings. “Lying. Cheating. And then there's me.” she pointed the flashlight at her face. “I lied to you just because I'm too scared to talk back to my stupid parents!” She took off her diamond earrings and threw them at a painting of her mother and father. “You were right about me. I am just another link in the world's worst chain.” She dissolved into tears and buried put her head onto her knees.

Dipper sighed and sat down next to her. “Pacifica, I'm sorry about what I said earlier. But just because you're your parents' daughter doesn't mean you have to be like them. It's not too late.”

* * *

Elsewhere, a young woman in a yellow dress looked around at the chaos unfolding around her, and announced, “Well, this is getting boring. I'm going out to the gardens.”

Upon hearing this, the ghost laughed incredulously and boomed, “Are you now?”

The young woman turned on him. Her eyes flashed bright, angry yellow, her pupils stretching to black slits, making the ghost recoil, startled, as she hissed, “Yes, I am.” Her eyes returned to normal, and with a small, mocking smirk, she drawled, “If you want to stop me, or turn me into wood, or something, you can go ahead and try. Otherwise, don't bother me.”

She turned back to the door and grabbed a drink from a nearby table on her way out.

Had anyone still been alive in the room at that moment, they would have been witness to an interesting expression on the ghost’s face; one that almost resembled fear.

But no one did, because no one was.

When this fact dawned on the ghost, all thoughts of demonic young women vanished, and he laughed in triumph.

“It's too late!” He exclaimed, “You are all wood!”

He said this loud enough for the girls in the hidden room to hear, and together, they ran out to the hall and hid behind a curtain, surveying the scene. Looking around, Dipper saw Mabel, Candy, and Grenda off to the side, petrified in wood.

Fury burst in the elder sister’s chest, and she ran out of her hiding place, toward the centre of the room, heedless of Pacifica’s hissed, “Dipper, wait!”

She grabbed a silver platter on her way, and with it in one hand and the journal in the other, she declared, “Alright ghost, prepare to get-” she was interrupted as a beam of flame hit her hand and knocked the journal out of it. She dropped the platter when wood began to spread like a disease up her arm and through her body. “No no no! Pacifica! Open the ga…” The wood spread up her neck and to her head, and everything went black.

Pacifica tried to breathe. A grandfather clock struck midnight.

“A forest of death, a lesson learned.” the ghost said grimly, “And now the Northwest Manor will burn!”

A giant flame jumped up in his hand and it seemed he was about to throw it at the wooden guests, when Pacifica stepped out decisively and called out, “Hey, ugly! Over here!” He turned to her. “You want me to let in the townsfolk? 'Cause I'll do it! Just change everyone back!”

“You wish to prove yourself?” He demanded, then pointed at the gate lever. “Pull that lever and open the grand gate to the town! Fulfill your ancestors’ promise!”

As Pacifica reached determinedly for the lever, Preston popped his head out of a hatch in the floor, out of the ghost’s view, and hissed, “Pacifica Elise Northwest! Stop this instant! We can't let the town see us like this! We have a reputation to uphold! Now come into the panic room. There's enough mini-sandwiches and oxygen to last you, me, and your mother a full week.”

His daughter hesitated, but upon looking at Dipper's wooden statue, she took a deep breath and did something that she had never done before: she ignored her parents and continued reaching for the lever.

“You dare to disobey us?” Said her father menacingly, and rung his little golden bell. The girl flinched as subconscious memories of pain arose in her mind, but still she did not move from her spot. Preston cursed. “Is this bell broken?!”

Pacifica ground her teeth and put her foot down. “Our family name is broken! And I'm gonna fix it!” In one motion, she grabbed the lever and wrenched it down.

It seemed that the ghost had not expected her to do this, and gasped in surprise. Outside, the main gate swung open, admitting the citizens of Gravity Falls.

As the townspeople rushed in joyfully, the ghost clutched his chest and murmured, “Yes, Yes, It's happening! My heart, once hard as oak, now grows soft like more of a... birch, or something.” With a wave of his hand, all of his deeds were undone. The guests became flesh again, and all the taxidermy animals became still once more.

Dipper came back to life to see the ghost hovering over and speaking to Pacifica, who was smiling up at him. Then the ghost faded away, his axe falling to the ground and embedding itself in the floor.

Then there came a noise like an earthquake, and the doors of the manor burst open as the people of Gravity Falls entered the party.

They spread out into the house, and Preston ran around trying desperately to fix all the so-called damage that they were causing.

Dipper came over to the Northwest girl. “Man, if your family hates you for this, they're idiots. This is great.”

“Enjoy it while it lasts.” She replied, with badly-disguised sadness, “Next year I'm sure they're just gonna lock everyone out again.”

Dipper put a hand on the other’s shoulder, not knowing quite what to say. They stood together silently for a few minutes before Pacifica mumbled a quick “See you around,” and walked off.

Dipper spotted her sister across the room, and started making her way towards her when Grenda and Candy came into view, and they all skipped off together.

So, with no one to go to or talk with, Dipper hovered awkwardly at the table and watched the party.

“Excuse me?” came a voice with an unplaceable accent behind her.

Assuming that she was in the way, Dipper stepped aside- and came face to face with the most stunning young woman that she’d ever seen. Dressed in a bright yellow cocktail dress, the young woman smirked gently at the Pines girl as the latter stuttered out something about moving over.

Flush with embarrassment, Dipper made for a corner, but the young woman stopped her with a black-gloved hand on her arm, “I’m afraid we may have misunderstood each other; I wanted to speak with you.”

The brunette did a double take. She had assumed, very justifiably, that the young woman was out of her league. Now, however, as a ‘what the hell’ zipped through her mind, she replied, “Oh, okay. I'm Dipper.”

“So I'm told.” She murmured, giving the girl a once-over, then, “Belle. I was one of the lucky few that the ghost didn’t spot, and I saw you run out to face him…”

“Oh, that.” Dipper shifted uncomfortably. “That didn't turn out like I planned.”

“But it was still incredibly brave,” Belle continued, “I mean, you must have known that you might die, but nonetheless you ran out there to give that bastard what for.”

The young girl blushed at the praise. “Well, I- it didn't really accomplish anything. Pacifica was the one who ended up saving everyone.”

The other shot her a look, and leaning in conspiratorially, murmured, “Whose example do you think Pacifica was taking? Directly or indirectly,” She asserted, straightening, “You saved us all.”

There was a commotion by the apple cider fountain, and Preston’s voice bellowed, “I want that woman out of my house!”

The two young ladies turned to the source of the outburst. Preston was next to the fountain, dripping in cider, holding an ice pack to a huge black eye and glaring venomously at Wendy, who was being restrained by his security and looked very proud of herself.

“That’ll teach you to to turn your nose up at ‘My Kind’, you snooty prick!” Security dragged her out, and the party went uncomfortably back to normal.

The two girls, who had been watching this scene unfold, looked at each other and burst out laughing. “That,” Dipper informed the other between chuckles, “Was Wendy Corduroy.”

“You know her?”

“Yeah, she works in the Mystery Shack, for my Great-Uncle Stan.”

“Goodness. I’ve never seen anyone stand up to Preston that way. I certainly hope some of the other guests follow suit; that man needs to be taken down a notch. Or two. Or three… hundred.”

Mabel ran up to them, excitedly squealing, “Dipper Dipper Dipper! Did you see that? Did you see Wendy?”

“We saw Wendy being taken out, what happened?”

“Well,” Mabel raved, “Apparently, Preston said something about ‘Our Kind’ being lesser than his, or whatever, and Wendy got super pissed and punched him right in the face, and he tripped over a quail and fell right into the apple cider fountain! He was so mad, I thought he would pop! Oh, hello.” She had noticed Belle.

Belle nodded in greeting.

“Mabel, this is-”

“Belle, right?” Mabel interrupted, “Marius told me about you. I’m Mabel!” the still-excited girl stuck out her hand to shake.

“Oh, you've met?” Dipper inquired.

“Only briefly,” Belle replied, shaking the girl's proffered hand, “I left when she came to flirt with my brother.” With those words, the baroness gave the younger twin a meaningful look.

While the adorably oblivious Dipper remained adorably so, her sister instantly got the hint. “Well, it was nice to meet you properly, but, I, uh…” she hesitated, briefly, but an idea came to her shortly, “I've got to go find the girls. Candy’s probably gone back to the fondue fountains, and I gotta save her. See ya, Dip!” She winked at her twin, then with a skip and a wave, she was gone.

“Might I ask you something, if it's not too intrusive of me?” Belle turned to the girl beside her.

“Shoot.”

“You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but… Dipper isn't your real name, is it?”

With a smile, the brunette replied, “No, actually, it isn't. My sister coined it when we were… 4, I think, and it stuck.”

“I wonder why.”

“Well, it might have something to do with this.” The Pines girl lifted the curtain of bangs that covered her forehead, revealing the Dipper-shaped mark on it.

Belle ooh-ed. “Is that a birthmark?”

“Yep.”

“Shaped like the big… Dipper.” The young woman chuckled. “Although, I'm surprised that your sister didn't go with Ursa.”

“She tried,” Dipper replied, letting her bangs fall back into place, “but I smacked her.”

Belle laughed; a peal of mirth that rang like a bell. Looking at her counterpart through lowered lashes, she noted, “You're funny.”

“Thank you very much, I try.” Dipper graciously responded, “though I’ve been told that my jokes are very subtle, so it takes someone pretty smart to get them.”

A blush graced the baroness’ features. Then she sent Dipper a sidelong glance. “I know I'm toeing the line, but I can't help but wonder… what is your real name?”

Sending her a curious look, the teenager commented, “You know, it's been a really long time since I told anyone that, but… I don't know, I just… feel like I can trust you, for some reason.”

“Thank you.” Belle replied.

The brunette took a deep breath. “My name is-” she began, but was cut off by McGucket.

“Dipper! There y’are! I've been lookin for ya. We need to talk!”

Ignoring the girl’s protestations, the old man grabbed her by the shoulders and zipped off to a corner with her in tow.

Turning to her with a grim expression, the hillbilly muttered, “I fixed the laptop. I been doin' calculations, and I think something terrible is comin'! The apocalypse! The End Times!” His voice rose in panic.

With a nervous look around, Dipper tried to pacify him. “Listen, McGucket, how about we talk about this stuff tomorrow, okay?”

He stared at her with a look of betrayal in his eyes. “You said that I could come talk to ya. Anytime.”

“I know I did, and I meant it, but right now is not the best time. I'm sort of-” She gestured to Belle, still standing by the table, “Busy.” She took a deep breath, and smiled, “It's a party. Have some fun!” With that, she turned decisively away from him and walked back to the baroness.

McGucket looked after her hopelessly, and as she continued flirting, he reached into one of his deep pockets and pulled out the laptop. When he had last opened it, the screen had gone bright red and the words “Imminent Threat” flashed in the middle along with a countdown. Now he opened and unlocked it to see how much time was left.

It read 21:30:07.

* * *

As time went on, the party wound down and came to an end, and the guests began to leave. Dipper accompanied Belle to the door, where Marius was trying to disentangle himself from the Mabel squad. The girls watched the spectacle in amusement, and cheered when he finally managed to get to the door. Mabel threw her sister a dirty look, but stayed with her twin to see off the baroness.

After all the goodbyes had been made, she turned to the door, but at the last second Dipper blurted out, “Macy.”

Both Mabel and Belle turned to her in surprise; the former shocked, the latter curious.

“My name,” Dipper clarified, “it’s Macy.”

A smile spread across Belle’s face. “Thank you.” She murmured, then walked through the door.

Mabel gaped at her sibling, who shrugged and muttered, “What?”

“You've not told anyone your name in years, and now you just give it to some random blonde at a party?!”

“She’s not just some-”

“No shit, Dip, or you wouldn't have given her your name! Go after her!” She gave the elder twin a shove toward the door. As Dipper ran down the driveway to the noblewoman, Mabel sighed contentedly.

Catching up to Belle, the elder twin called, “Walk you to your car?”

Turning, with pleasant surprise written on her face, she replied, “What good timing. I was just thinking that I might need some company, walking down this surprisingly long driveway.”

The two ladies set off at a leisurely pace, and when they got to the end, a car drove up in front of them.

“Well, it seems this is for me. But before I go...” She pulled out a bright yellow pen from god-knows-where and wrote something on Dipper’s hand. “I want to make sure you keep in touch.”

When she let it go, Dipper, in a daze, clutched the hand to her chest without even reading what was written on it.

“Well,” said the baroness, getting into the car and leaning through the window, “It was very nice to meet you properly, Macy,” the car started, “But I think I'd still prefer to call you Pinetree.”

It was like a punch in the gut for the Pines girl. “What?”

A grin spreading across her face, the eyes of the young woman in yellow turned bright yellow as the car started to drive off. Gripped in horror, Dipper watched it go. Then it occurred to her to look at what had been written on her hand; the pen marks on her skin said,

 _See you in your dreams!  
_ _Belle Cipher_

* * *

 

_THAWL NHJW IUDSJ. TTFCFX COC VXGSG AG YBQZ MNPBYL IHB LXRS MGN ZOOL. UAA HZX AUWNXXZS AL YAFAVZ; AVWKK HFW GU SCGINVZWL ZV PW FGUWHNRHHWW. ZOS FTSL, WX BZ PG LH HL IKXJ, TIKM HL TGNTK CMM LYCE MNL DWKYVB LAKTGWEBLG, SGJ TIKM HL UAOKU KAERPBYEE, LZKX COOLXBLF HHCLF AM UUQW AKSR AL TVK FNRS._

_VGPKCSJ, HTJS GUZHWFXJ, H BSFK JOF ZOCS GGK HB AGIYSVBHSS SWBHBLTML. CFX IHB WOKU, WX MNLM SKK WCOXXMID XTVIYA, IVAETTK HZX THAWW ZV RG HTL G TBJKWFZ. UBF VXSVB AL SVGL WKMWFBZLZQ IUDSJYAS SFHANV._

_LAK UOEX GUR LAK ZSUKKA; HZX ZDC HBKJSK HL PBXHXTOLBUU HZTZ DSJX ZOS CXEZ HG NTSCUDOUU S PKHDGG SVFW IUDSJYAS HZTT JCMEJ IS AFGNWFXJ. ZC ENIO SXYUYH GG ZOS VXSVB K IGYH ZTJ ISWG VBH AGZV FWMXPSNBTN HZXYL YWRY; IIL GUA TGK TVHZBTN. CZ, GU. LJWKEAVAGM DOK YGSZAGM PBLH VSOUX; ZOS JHGK HG OOJHGKE ZHJXZJVWW YAFSBMOH XHXDOJW, CPHZHAA O KBTNZW IUAVGEK. UCO, YUY GLXV AVJXK._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really getting into this


	4. Step Four: Forget about said demon's evil plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somebody new is introduced to the Mystery Twins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hit such an awful block while writing this chapter, I wanted to kill myself. But I did it. I finished the damn chapter, enjoy it, you nerds,

Bright, white light.

 

Crackling electricity.

 

_Hgzm rh mlg dszg sv svvnh…_

 

**T-minus 7 hours**

It had been such a nice day, before the shack had been occupied by fifty-odd government agents.

But then again, Dipper thought, What exactly are the chances to have one day off in Gravity Falls? Now Stan was being violently dragged, in handcuffs, out from behind the Shack. His objections only led to him being face-planted into the police car. “I don’t understand!” he protested, “What did I do that warrants this much arresting?”

Two people walked up to the police car; the last two people that Dipper ever expected to see again.

“Agent Trigger? Agent Powers?! I thought guys you got eaten by zombies!”

“We survived,” Trigger said vaguely, “Barely.”

Powers pulled out a tablet and opened a video that he then showed to the Pines. “This is security footage of a government waste facility. At 0100 hours last night, someone robbed three hundred gallons of dangerous radioactive waste.”

“What?” Stan exclaimed indignantly, “You think that’s me?”

Without a word, Powers changed the video to a picture of a car. He zoomed in on the license plate, which read ‘STNLYMBL’. “This is your license plate, isn’t it, Mr. Pines?”

As Stan struggled to come up with an explanation, Powers waved him off and turned to leave.

“Wait! Agent, please!” Mabel pleaded, “You’ve got the wrong guy! Our Grunkle Stan might shoplift the occasional tangerine, but he’s not some evil supervillain!”

Agent Powers knelt down to be at eye level with her. “Listen, kid. We’ve been watching your family all summer and we've seen some disturbing things. But nothing as dangerous as what your uncle is hiding. Somewhere hidden in this shack is a doomsday device!” he stood and turned to Trigger, handing him the tablet. “Trigger, you take the children. I'll talk to the old man.” he put on a pair of sunglasses, turned to the twins and concluded, “Sorry to break it to you kids, but you don't know your uncle at all.” With that, he walked away.

Still defending his innocence, Stan was shoved unceremoniously into the police car, while the sisters were shepherded into Agent Trigger’s.

As the police car started to pull away, Stan pressed his hands against the window and shouted to the Pines twins, “Kids, you gotta believe me! For once I'm actually innocent! Kids!” His voice faded as the car drove away.

Trigger got into the driver’s seat and revved up the car. Once they were on the road, Dipper demanded, “What’re you gonna do to us?”

“We’ll be taking you to child services,” the agent told her curtly.

Mabel booed.

Trigger ignored her and turned on the car’s tv. Using the noise of the program as cover, Mabel turned to her sister, and whispered, “Dipper, this is crazy. There's no way Stan was stealing hazardous waste! We gotta clear his name!”

Dipper pondered. Then, noticing the camera at the front of the car, she had an idea. “Hold on a minute, the security tapes! Didn't Stan say he was restocking the gift shop last night? If we could get to the Mystery Shack surveillance tapes, we could prove he's innocent!”

Mabel nodded enthusiastically. “We just need to think of a way out of here. Think, Mabel…” she looked out the window. “Think.”

The car stopped at a red light, next to a logging truck, driven by none other than Manly Dan. On the back of the truck, the younger twin noticed a Sevral Timez bumper sticker.

She turned to Dipper with a wicked smile. “Do you trust me?”

“Not with that look on your face.”

“Get ready to duck.”

The light turned green as she turned back to the window, breathed on it to fog it up, then wrote “Sevral Timez Sucks,” on it and tapped it lightly to attract Dan’s attention.

When he saw what was written on the window, his face contorted into an expression of fury, and he swerved violently into the Agent’s vehicle.

The car, propelled by the truck’s brute force, flew off the road and hurled into the forest.

After fifteen minutes of barreling madly down the tree covered slope, the car finally slammed into the trunk of a fallen tree. The girls, while bumped and bruised, were otherwise miraculously unharmed. The windows had shattered upon impact, allowing them to crawl out.

Agent Trigger, who had been knocked out in the crash, now came to, reached up to his earpiece, and communicated urgently, “Mayday. Mayday. Agent down. Requesting backup. Current location is-”

Dipper snatched the device from his ear before he could finish his sentence, throwing it to the ground and crushing it under her heel.

“Come on, Dipper.” Mabel stated, “We're gonna go clear our uncle's name.”

An expression that looked awfully like pity settled on the agent’s face. “Oh, you poor kids. You really think your uncle’s innocent? I’ve seen it all before.”

Shaking her head, Mabel traipsed off back to the road.

But Dipper stayed.

“False names, double lives, one minute they're playing with water balloons, the next they're building doomsday devices. Your uncle scammed the whole world. You gonna let him scam you, too?”

“You…” The girl hesitated, despite herself. “You don't know what you're talking about.”

With that, she walked away.

~*~*~

 

Echoes of panicked screams.

 

The growing hum of a great machine whirring to life.

 

_Gsrigb bvzih zmw mld sv’h yzxp…_

 

**T-minus 5 hours**

Stan Pines checked his watch. “Only five more hours till it happens,” he muttered, “I gotta _be_ there!” He looked around desperately. “Come on, Stan, you gotta think of a way outta this.”

Suddenly, the wristwatch began to beep. The screen was flashing the words, “ANOMALY IN PROGRESS.” The coffee on the table floated out of its cup, along with the cup itself and various items, then crashed back down. “They're getting stronger.” An idea came to him. “Of course, that's it!”

About an hour later, Agent Powers entered the interrogation room with two other agents, announcing, “Alright, Pines. Playtime is over. Chopper's ready to dust off to Washington. I'll enjoy putting you away.”

“What?” Stan implored, “Um, can't we stick around for maybe one minute? Uh, one minute thirty seconds?”

“We're not falling for your games, Pines,” Powers responded coldly, “You've been running your whole life. Your time is finally up.”

“Bathroom break?” Pleaded the Pines man, “Just give me... fifteen seconds!”

“Sorry,” Powers apologized unapologetically, unlocking the detainee’s handcuffs, “but you've got a flight to catch.”

The watch began to beep again.

With a jubilant smirk, Stan replied, “Oh, yeah? So do you.”

Everything began to float up from the floor. Stan kicked the table into the confused agents and as Powers squawked, Stan hit him with the back of his chair, turned over, thrust away from the wall, caught the cuff key in his hands and un-cuffed himself.  
“Hey!” Powers hollered, “Son of a bitch, get back here! Men, get him!”

One of the agents came at him, but Stan kicked him in the chest, caught his wallet and hopped from agent to agent out of the room.  
“No!” The government man bellowed after him, “You won't get away with this!”

The door slammed in Powers' face, locking him in.

The watch beeped and gravity was restored. The agents in the interrogation room slid to the floor with a squeaking sound.  
Stan ran out of the station to a taxi that had somehow managed to stay upright. He leaned to the driver seat window, and questioned the cabbie, “Do you know where the Mystery Shack is?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Okay. Here's a hundred bucks. Drive as far away from the Shack as possible, and don't stop when the cops start chasing you!”

The driver grabbed the cash, counted it quickly, then shrugged and sped away, while Stan hid behind a wrecked car. The agents from the interrogation room came running out of the station, headed by Powers, who yelled, “He's getting away! Follow that cab!”

A small army of special ops guys ran to various cars along the street and took off chasing the empty cab.

Powers stood on the stoop of the police station for a few minutes more, with a look of pure hatred gleaming in his eyes. Then, he turned on his heel and stalked back inside.

The very instant the coast was clear, Stan dashed out from behind the car and began to run in the direction of the Mystery Shack.

~*~*~

Mabel's grappling hook soared through the air, over the heads of the government agents that had taken over the Shack, landing in the (now broken) attic window. The twins slid along the rope, silently entering their ransacked room, snuck down the stairs, and dashed into Stan’s office. A triumphant fistbump later, Dipper strode into the room, saying to herself, “Alright. If I was Stan, where would I hide those surveillance tapes?”

She was rustling around in a filing cabinet when Mabel exclaimed, “Wait! The antelabbit!”

The Jackalope’s antler was bent, and when Mabel straightened it, the wall turned open to reveal two old-looking TV monitors and a tape player. There was a tape sticking out of it, with that week’s date written on the label.

When Mabel pushed it in, the screen flickered to life, and after some fast-forwarding, they reached half past six the previous night.

“There it is!” Dipper cried, “Stan restocking like he said! And the date shows it was last night! It's proof! He's innocent!”

However, just as she finished speaking, the tape showed Stan glance around, then sneak out the front door.

A few hours later in the tape, he still wasn’t back.

Dipper glanced anxiously at her sister.

“Maybe he's just going to the bathroom outdoors,” Mabel said in response, “The way nature intended!”

The elder twin kept fast-forwarding. Hour after hour zipped by, and the door didn't open until she reached one o’clock in the morning.

A figure in a hazmat suit came trundling in, wheeling an enormous biohazard barrel into the gift shop.

“Oh, no,” Dipper murmured, dread growing in the pit of her stomach, “Stan, you didn't…”

“Don't panic.” Her twin instructed. “That could be anyone in that suit!”

The figure dropped the barrel on its foot setting it down. “Gah!” He exclaimed, “Hot Belgian waffles!” Then, looking around, “Wait, I'm alone. I can swear for real!” After a deep breath, the figure yelled, SON OF A--”

Dipper turned off the tape. “That's him, alright.”

“Okay, okay,” Mabel conceded, “so maybe Grunkle Stan stole some toxic waste. That doesn't mean he's leading a nefarious double life!”

“Mabel, I'm not so sure about that…” she pulled a box out from under the TV and placed it onto a nearby table. Her sister clicked on the lamp that stood on it, and together, the Pines girls looked through the box’s contents.

It was full of passports and IDs, all with different names and all with their Grunkle Stan’s face on them.

“What?” Mabel gasped, “What is all this? ‘Stetson Pinefield?’”

“‘Hal Forrester?’ ‘Andrew '8-Ball' Alcatraz?’  These are fake IDs, Mabel! You wouldn't need these unless you were trying to hide your real identity!”

“But why would Stan… do that…” her sentence trailed off as she picked a newspaper clipping out of the box. Her expression morphed into one of undiluted horror, and she wordlessly passed the paper to her sister.

It read, ‘Stan Pines Dead.’

“What?! ‘Stan Pines Dead?’”

“‘Foul play suspected in Pines' death.’ Fiery car crash, brakes cut...by who?!”

Dipper dug another clipping from the box, this one showing a picture of Stan, and read aloud, “‘Unnamed grifter at large?’ Why would they call him unnamed? Unless Stan…”

“Isn't…”

“Stan?!”

The twins looked in terror at a large portrait of the man that hung behind them.

Dipper started to pace. “Stan Pines is dead?! Then who have we been living with? It doesn't make any sense!”

“There has to be some explanation. Maybe we're getting Ker-Prank'd!” Mabel said, referring to the show that the agent had shown them earlier. “Justin Kerprank is gonna jump up from behind one of these plants any minute now!” After a brief pause, she scooted forward and looked into a potted plant. “...Any minute, Justin.”

Her twin ignored her. “I can't believe it. This whole summer I've been looking for answers and the biggest mystery was right under our nose.”

Mabel returned to the box and rustled through it again. “There's gotta be some kind of explanation in here somewhere. What the… ‘secret code to hideout?’”

The words hit Dipper like a truck. “Give me that,” she said, snatching the slip of paper from Mabel and whipping out the journal and her portable black light. There was a grid on the paper, two squares across and three squares down. In the left column of squares was written A, B, and C, and in the right was 1, 2, and 3. Under the black light, all three letters and the numbers 1 and 3 lit up.

“A1, B, C3…” Dipper frowned. “I've never seen a code like this.”

“Wait!” Mabel gripped her twins arm. “I have! Dipper, it's the vending machine!”

~*~*~

 

Shrill beeping as the time runs down to zero.

 

Tears in her eyes as she lets go.

 

_Gsv nbhgvib rm gsv nbhgvib hszxp…_

 

**T-minus 2 hours**

When the twins snuck out of the office and into the house, all the agents seemed to have disappeared, as though they'd been called away. This made the trip to the vending machine decidedly easier, even though the girls thoroughly examined every room they had to enter, just in case. Because of this, it took quite a bit longer to get to the gift shop than it normally would have. When they finally made it, there was someone guarding the vending machine; but it wasn’t one of the government agents. It was someone the Pines twins never expected to see.

“Soos?!” Dipper uttered, astonished.

Soos jumped, then upon seeing the girls, sighed in relief, “Oh, kids! Where've you been?”

Dipper chose not to answer the question, and instead asked her own. “What are you doing here?”

“Stan gave me a mission to protect this machine!” Soos replied. Then, with a chuckle, “And I thought _I_ loved snacks.”  
“Soos,” The elder twin disclosed urgently, “Listen. Something huge is going on here. If Stan is hiding some dangerous secret, we need to find out what it is! I need you to step aside.”

“Yeah,” Mabel added, “just let us through so we can prove this is all just a big misunderstanding.”

Soos sighed. “Guys, I know this seems crazy, but I promised Stan I would guard this with my life.”

Seeing that there was no other choice, Dipper nodded at her twin. The latter atoned, “I'm sorry, Soos,” and with no other warning, she blew a handful of glitter directly into Soos' face, getting it into his eyes.

Soos shouted in pain. “Aah! Attack glitter! It's pretty, but it hurts!”

While he was distracted, Dipper and Mabel attempted to run around him, but he held out his arms to either side of himself, blocking their way.

Dipper tried, with little success, to extricate herself from his grip, all the while pleading, “Come _on_ , Soos… _please!_ ”  
The bigger man did not relent, and continued to hold them back as they tried to get past. “C'mon, I don't wanna fight you guys!” He implored, “This hurts me more than it hurts you!” In the twins’ struggles, Dipper dragged her nails over the skin of Soos’ arm, and Mabel kicked him in the face. “Seriously, it hurts me way more than it hurts you!”  
Dipper managed to free an arm, just enough to be able to reach for the number pad and enter the code. The vending machine swung forward, shoving them all to the floor with a collective scream. After a few moments of coughing at the dust that had appeared out of nowhere, the three of them looked up and gasped at what they saw.

Behind the vending machine, a dark passageway loomed threateningly.  
Soos and the twins stood up. Without a word, the former led the way down the stairs.

“It's like something from a video game…” He murmured.

“Or a dream…” Mabel noted.  
Dipper looked around with wide, frightened eyes. “...Or a nightmare.”

After a few minutes that felt like days, the three of them reached the bottom of the stairs, where they found a door. They stood before it for a few moments, not wanting to go in for fear of what they might find inside. Finally, taking a deep breath, Dipper stepped forward and pulled it open.

The room that the group walked into was an enormous laboratory. To one side were bookshelves of tomes on quantum physics, cryptography, mechanics, and an agglomeration of other advanced subjects. On the opposite wall were shelves holding innumerable specimens and samples. Between these two, and directly in front of the meandering band, was a huge window to a darkened room, and immediately underneath, a large control panel with buttons, levers, keyboards, lights.

Mabel, beholding the intimidating sight, breathed, “Guys, are we dreaming? Somebody wake me up.”

“This can't be real…” Dipper agreed quietly.  
“I don't understand.” Soos conjectured, “Why would Mr. Pines have all this?”

“It's just like that bunker in the woods…” Dipper noted.  
Soos shook his head in confusion. “But what is it doing underneath the Mystery Shack?”  
“Okay, okay,” Mabel conceded in an attempt at pacification, “So he's got a huge gigantic lab. That doesn't mean anything bad! Everyone's got secrets!” She noticed a picture of her and Dipper on the control panel, and picked it up. “It's still Stan, and he loves us. And we love him. Right?”

In lifting the picture, Mabel’s sweater sleeve caught on a switch that clicked sharply, and the darkened room beyond the window lit up to reveal a colossal, triangular machine with a hole in the middle.  
On the dashboard, next to where Mabel found the picture, something caught the other twin’s eye. “It can't be…” she murmured, “it's impossible.” She had noticed two open books, side by side. She recognized the paper, the ink, the handwriting, recognized it from having spent hours upon hours reading and rereading passages of text on that same paper, _in that same handwriting…_ “The other two journals?! All this time…” The girl fought to breathe, “All this time, Stan had them?! I can't believe it! Was anything he said to us real?!” her fury rose like bile inside her, and she kicked the desk. “Why would he have those journals?!”  
“Maybe he's the author.” Soos suggested, but he sounded unsure.  
Dipper whirled to face him. “Or maybe he stole them from the author!” she snapped back, “Maybe the reason he has all those fake IDs is because he _is_ a master criminal, and this… _machine_ is his master plan!” She opened the journals and found in each one a fraction of what looked like blueprints to the machine that loomed above them. She put them together accordingly, and pulled out her black light.

The words that were revealed struck horror into all three of them.  
“‘I was wrong the whole time.’” Dipper read aloud, “‘The machine was meant to create knowledge but it is too powerful. I was deceived, and now it is too late. The device, if fully operational, could tear our universe apart! It must not fall into the wrong hands. If the clock ever reaches zero, our universe is doomed!’” All of them looked up at the countdown clock that hung above the machine.

**T-minus ninety seconds**

“It's the final countdown!” Soos panicked, “Just like they always sung about!”

Dipper flipped urgently through journal 3 to a page that read ‘Manual Override’, saying, “The agents were right! We have to shut it down!” She led them into the machine room and pointed to three keys sticking out of a panel on the wall. “Here! Quick! Turn these, together!” When the keys were turned- with a satisfying click- a device near the center of the room popped open to reveal a large red button.

“That's it!” Dipper cried, running over to it, “The shutdown switch! This all stops... now!”

She lifted her hand with the full intention of slamming it down on the button, when the door to the lab crashed open and Stan’s voice reverberated through the room, “DON'T TOUCH THAT BUTTON!!”

Everybody turned to the doorway, where he stood, panting. “Dipper,” he addressed the girl, “just back away.”

Dipper's hand remained suspended inches over the button.

“Please,” Stan’s voice grew more desperate, “don't press that shutdown button, you gotta trust me.”

“And I should trust you why?!” The pre-teen retorted, “After you stole radioactive waste? After you lied to us all summer?! I don't even know who you are!”

“Look, I know this all seems nuts, but I need that machine to stay on! If you'd just let me explain-” he was interrupted by a shrill beeping that originated from his wrist device. A second later, the ground began to shake, and the four of them were lifted off the ground and started to float toward the machine.

**T-minus thirty-five seconds**

Stan and Soos spun in midair until hitting a wall, hard.

Dipper was flung to the opposite side of the room, collided with a wooden support, and grabbed on.

Mabel hovered in front of the machine, her ankle hooked onto a wire over the stand the button was on. She called out frantically to her sister, “Dipper!”

“Mabel!” The latter called back, “Hurry! Shut it down!”

Using the wire to pull herself, she scrambled down to the button.

“No!” Stan cried, “Mabel, Mabel, wait! Stop!” He attempted to push off the wall towards her, but Soos flew in like a missile and knocked him away from the young girl. “Soos, what're you doing?!” He shouted indignantly, hitting Soos on the head, “I gave you an order!”

“Sorry, Mr. Pines - if that is your real name - but I have a new mission now! Protecting these kids!”

“Soos, you idiot, let me go!”

During the mayhem, they had started floating, slowly but surely, toward the child at the button.

Seeing this, Dipper pushed off from the support beam and hit Stan and Soos, sending the whole lump of them barreling away.

“Go!” She screamed, “Mabel, press the red button! Shut it down!”

“No, you can't!” Stan retaliated and shoved Dipper away. “You gotta trust me!”

“Grunkle Stan,” Mabel sobbed, and it was only then that it dawned all three of the others that she was crying. “I don't even know, if you're my grunkle!” She continued, her breath hitching with tears, “I wanna believe you, but-”

“Then listen to me.” Stan interjected, his voice suddenly turning gentle and soothing. “Remember this morning when I said I wanted to tell you guys something?”

**T-minus twenty seconds**

The hole in the machine flashed and Dipper, Stan, and Soos were pushed against the wall opposite to the machine.

Mabel clung to the stand, lifted her hand in preparation to push the button.  
Stan kept talking in that soothing voice. “I wanted to say that you're gonna hear some bad things about me, and some of them are true, but trust me. Everything I've worked for, everything I care about, it's all for this family!”

“Mabel, what if he's lying?” The Pines girl shrieked, “This thing could destroy the universe! Listen to your head!”

“Look into my eyes, Mabel! You really think I'm a bad guy?”

“He's lying! Shut it down NOW!”

“Mabel, please!”

**Ten**

**Nine**

Mabel looked away and slowly lowered her hand to the button, pondering. She then looked at Stan, with glimmering teardrops in her eyes, shining like stars, “Grunkle Stan…”

**Six**

**Five**

“I trust you.”

**Three**

**Two**

“MABEL, ARE YOU CRAZY?!” Dipper screeched, “WE'RE ALL GONNA-”

**One**

~*~*~

 

A mess of tangled wires and metal.

 

A six-fingered figure.

 

_Gsv zfgsli szh ivgfimvw._

 

**T-minus 0 hours**

The activated portal glowed bright blue. After a second, a dark figure dove through, rolled, landed on his feet, lunged at the stand and slammed a six-fingered hand onto the big red button. The blue light faded behind him, the machine winding down to a stop. He stood there for a moment, leaning on the stand, breathing heavily.

It was to this image that Dipper woke up. “What...?” She grumbled, rubbing her head.

Mabel, sitting up next to her, drew her sister’s attention to the figure with a murmured, “Who is that?”

Dipper looked him over, and her gaze landed on his hand. His six-fingered hand. “That's…” she breathed, a hitch in her voice, “That's the author of the journals…”

The Author, perceiving voices behind him, turned and pulled off the scarf covering the majority of his face. He stepped into the light, finally allowing his face to be visible… and when the Pines twins saw it, they could barely believe their eyes, for what before them looked like a carbon copy of the man they'd been living with for the past summer.

Stan Pines stood up from where he'd fallen, and answering Mabel's question, announced, “Mabel, Dipper, this is... my brother.”

Silence reigned.

Finally, Stan Pines stepped forward and breathed, “Thirty years…”

The Author said nothing.

Still walking forward, Stan Pines continued, “After thirty years… I finally did it… I finally brought you back!”

By this point, he had come close enough to The Author to be within reach, and just as he finished his last sentence, The Author wound himself up and punched him right in the face.

Stanl Pines reeled back, clutching his nose.

“You absolute _moron_ !” The Author roared, “Do you have any idea what you nearly just caused?! What you would have caused, had I not _happened_ to be on the other side, you stupid, stupid son of a-”

“Whoa!” Dipper broke in, “Okay, whoa there!”

“Yeah,” Mabel continued, “We're gonna have to stop you right there.”

“Children!” Soos admonished, “there are children here!”

The Author looked at the three of them in turn, then turned back to Stan Pines. In a slightly lower (but still just as angry) voice, he demanded, “And why, exactly, are there children in this room?”

“I'm not the one who brought them! I tried to keep them _out_!”

“Extremely irresponsible of you. Looks like you haven't changed a bit.”

Stan Pines’ face grew red with anger. “Well, it looks like you haven't either, still up on your high horse, just as snooty and pretentious as ever. I'll have you know that those kids are your _family_ -”

“Listen,” The Author cut him off impatiently, “there'll be time for introductions later. Tell me, are there any security breaches? Does anyone else know about this portal?”

“No, just us.” Stan retorted bitterly. A loud thud came from above them. “And… also maybe the entire U.S. Government…”

“The _what_?!?”

The Author strode off into the control room and pulled down a security monitor. On it, Agent Powers could be seen barking orders to other agents, “Fan out! We're not going anywhere till we find Stan Pines and those kids!”

The Author had murder in his eyes. He closed them, took a deep breath, and said, “Okay. It's all right. We've got a while before they find this room. We just need to lay low and think of a plan.”

Suddenly, a voice drifted down the stairs. “Hey, look- the vending machine. It's crooked.”

“Oh no!” Mabel said, “we forgot to close the vending machine!”

“Wait, forgot. That's it!” She reached into her bag and found what she was looking for; the memory erasing gun. “I think…” she turned to The Author and shyly held it out to him. “I think I know a way we might be able to defeat those agents!”

“Of course!” The Author exclaimed excitedly, picking up the gun, “I don't know how you got a hold of one of these but, this is perfect!”

Mabel noticed her sister's face light up.

“If I can just amplify the signal to a radio headset frequency…” The Author continued, and plugged some wires into the gun. On the security monitor, the agents were running into the shack. “There. Now everyone PLUG YOUR EARS! GET DOWN! NOW!” He ordered.

Everyone did as they were told, hitting the floor just before a huge blast of blue light pulsed from the wired-up gun and into the shack.

The Author led the way up the stairs, past the dazed and confused agents, and onto the front porch.

Agent Powers stood on the lawn. “What? Where am I? Why am I standing in front of some sort of goofy fun knick-knack house?”

“Stand down, gentlemen!” The Author declared authoritatively, “I've been sent with the latest intel from Washington.” He flipped through some papers. “According to this very real report, the power surges in Gravity Falls were actually due to radiation from an unreported meteor shower. A total embarrassment for your whole department. Luckily I'm here to take this mess off your hands, but I'll need all of the data that you have on this case.”

“Uh…” Powers took out a flash drive marked ‘Pines’. “everything about this case is contained on this drive.”

The Author snatched the drive from the Agent and snapped, “Well, what are you waiting for, a kiss on the cheek? Get out of here before I court-martial your ass!”

“Uhh… yes sir…” Powers, looking adorably confused, signaled for the other agents to move out.

Dipper and Mabel stepped out of the Shack.

“That,” Dipper spoke, “was awesome.”

The Author, wearing a childishly excited grin on his face, turned to the girl and replied, “I know, I've always wanted to try that.”

The two of them watched the government cars drive off, snickering.

Stan walked out with Soos and Mabel. He rolled his eyes and muttered, “Let's not go crazy; it was serviceable.”

“Wow. Thank god that's all over.” Mabel sighed. “And now that it's all over… Who wants to tell us their entire mysterious backstory?”

“Yes,” Said the Author, “I have some questions about this myself, Stanley.”

“Stanley?” Dipper questioned.

“But your name is Stanford.” Mabel interrogated, equally confused.

The Author turned slowly to glare at Stan. “You took my name, too?” Stan avoided the Author’s eyes. The latter continued, “It wasn’t enough for you to take my house, and my journals, and my _lab_ , you had to go and take my name, too?!”

“Yeah, Grunkle Stan, no more lies!” Dipper rounded on him, “You owe us some answers. What’s the deal with all this? Why did you keep it all a secret?”

“And what happened between you and your brother?” Mabel added, with a strangely worried look.

“Okay, okay, okay.” Stan responded. “I guess I do have a lot of explaining to do. It all started a lifetime ago… nineteen sixty something, in Glass Shard Beach, New Jersey.”

~*~*~

“So all this time,” Dipper commented after the elder Pines twins had finished their tale, “You were just trying to save your brother. Grunkle Stan, I’m so sorry I didn’t believe you.”

“That’s okay, kid.” Stan replied with a smile, “I probably wouldn’t have believed me either.”

“And…” Dipper turned to the man she had been idolising for the past two and a half months, took Journal 3 out of her bag, and handed it to him. “I’m assuming you’ll want this back, Great Uncle Stanford.”

Stanford’s eyes lit up, and he gently picked up the book, cradling it like an old friend. “Thank you. I’ve missed this old thing.” He tucked it away into a pocket in his coat. Then he looked at Dipper with a warm smile. “And please- call me Ford.”

Mabel noticed her sister practically bouncing with excitement.

“Sure!” she chirped, “Thanks, Great Uncle Ford. So, uh,” she whipped out a pen and notepad, clicking the pen enthusiastically, “Would you mind if I asked you a couple- billion- questions about Gravity Falls?”

Ford, caught off guard, stammered, “Um, well I, uh…”

Stan bailed him out by responding, “Alright, kids, it’s been a long day and me and my brother have a lot to… _discuss._ ” His voice dripped with venom on the last word. “Why don’t you two hit the hay, huh?”

“But it’s the Author!” Dipper protested, clicking her pen frenziedly, “I’ve been waiting for so long to ask questions about-”

Stan placed his hands on her and Mabel’s heads and pushed them off to the Shack’s door. “I said. Hit. The hay!”

Mabel giggled, grabbed her sister, and dragged her away. “Come on, twinsie, let’s go to bed. You can Spanish-Inquisition the author tomorrow.”

Dipper whined, but went inside.

~*~*~

Before the two Stans told their story, Mabel had asked them what had happened between them. Mabel had noticed Dipper’s reactions to being around the Author, and immediately saw the bond that would probably form between them, just like the one that had formed between her and Stan. She saw the similarities between the older twins and the younger twins. The only difference was that the older twins borderline hated each other.

She worried that the fate of the Stans was the destined fate of the Mystery Twins.

It was because of this worry that she snuck out of the attic and went downstairs to listen in on the conversation between the adults.

Ford had a bitter expression on his face. “Okay, Stanley, here's the deal.” He said, coldly, “You can stay here the rest of the summer to watch the kids. I'll stay down in the basement and try to contain any remaining damage. But when the summer's over, you give me my house back, you give me my name back, and this Mystery Shack junk is over forever. You got it?”

Stan looked at him with an expression somewhere between sadness and betrayal. “You really aren't gonna thank me, are you?” When Ford didn’t reply, his face hardened. “Fine. On one condition: you stay away from the kids; I don't want them in danger. Cause as far as I'm concerned, they're the only family I have left.” He stood up, and started to walks out. He hesitated, started to turn his head to look back, then snapped himself out of it and kept walking.

Mabel’s worries intensified.

When she returned to the bedroom, Dipper asked, “Overhear anything good while you were eavesdropping?”

She told her sister what their Grunkles had said.

Dipper saw the brooding on Mabel’s face and hugged her. “I’m sure they’ll work it all out. You’ll see.”

“Yeah,” Mabel replied, hugging back.

But she was unconvinced.

“Dipper,” the younger twin added after a hesitation, “you don't think we'll turn out like Stan and Ford, do you?”

“Well, what do you mean?”

“I mean, they used to be best friends, but then they got all stupid.” She turned to face her twin. “Can you promise me you won't get stupid?”

“I'm not stupider than you, dum-dum.”

Mabel laughed. “Good night, stupid.”

“Good night, stupid,” Dipper replied, turned off the lights, clambered into her bed, and fell asleep the moment her head hit the pillow.

_It was a dark place. Nothing around but black- nothing above but black- under Her feet a rough black ground. She grasped around, trying in vain to find something to touch, hang on to. Her finger brushed only empty air. She cried out, Hello, but the oppressive nothing silenced the word so even She couldn't hear it. She tried again, a bit quieter; this time She almost deafened Herself. Fear- irrational, terror- illogical, confusion- understandable, ran through Her veins. Turning, spinning, looking around, trying to see something- Fear had caused tears to begin spilling from Her eyes- she called again, Hello, no one replied. She was afraid. Suddenly, presence; She felt it like a breeze. It whooshed around Her, watching Her, observing her. Then a piano was struck. A single note, an F; it rang and echoed and danced around Her. Looking around- Where did it come from, Where did it come from- a voice came out of the blackness._

_There's a new world coming…_

_Blinded by panic. Who’s there, She screamed, Who are you._

_And it's just around the bend…_

_A familiar voice… so familiar… shouting in vain into nothing, Who are you, What do you want._

_There's a new world coming…_

_Please, She sobbed, Why are you doing this, What do you want._

_This one’s coming to an end…_

_Red light. It flashed through everything, just for a moment destroying the black, but revealing a sight much more horrifying. Around, rotten corpses and glistening bones- above, fire- under Her feet, a cave floor stained with blood. She shrieked._

_There's a new voice calling…_

_She ran. Didn't know where- just ran. Needed to do something. The presence whispered and fluttered about Her, making some low sound like laughter._

_You can hear it if you try…_

_It was there- at Her shoulder- following Her-_ **_chasing Her._ ** _She felt it behind Her. Breath down the back of Her neck._

_And it's growing stronger…_

_Light. Light! Just a pinprick- ahead of Her! Oh, light, wonderful, blessed light! New strength; new speed; She catapulted to it. With all Her might- desperation- pinprick got bigger- a hole- big enough for Her- escape!_

_Which each day that passes by…_

_She reached the hole, ready to forever abandon the cave She had been in, but what She saw beyond it made Her skid to a halt._

_There was no way to describe it except with one word: Hell._

_A young woman in a yellow cocktail dress stood in the middle of it all, leaning on a cane. The young woman turned to face Her. Smiling. Laughing. Resplendent with joy._

_“This, Pinetree,” said she, “This is my world.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY!!! Quick update for you guys, first of all, T H A N K Y O U for being so patient with me, I know it's been hella long since I've updated this, which brings me to point two;
> 
> CHAPTER FIVE IS ON ITS WAY!!!!! I will publish it this weekend, I just need to format a bit to make it… well… you'll see c;
> 
> in the meantime, I would recommend you all to go back to the previous chapters, find yourself and atbash/viginere translator, and decipher the codes I wrote for y'all at the ends of the chapters. (They were there before, but you had to go on a super long and stupid scavenger-hunt-type thing through the internet and it was stupid so I just sort of put them out in the open instead) They do contain quite some important foreshadowing for the chapters to come ;D
> 
> anyway, THANKUTHANKUTHANKU for bearing w me, I know I've been a total bitch, but now that it's summer again (fiNALLY) the update(s? if ur lucky) will happen more regularly.


	5. Step Five: Prioritize a Man Who Just About Amounts to a Stranger, Over Your Twin Sister

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything goes wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRST THINGS FIRST  
> I HAVEN'T UPATED THIS THING IN ABOUT SIX MONTHS I THINK AND I HATE MYSELF AND I'M SORRY AND TO COMPENSATE THIS CHAPTER IS HELLA LONG LIKE 9K WORDS SO ENJOY
> 
> SECOND THINGS SECOND  
> Quick tip if y'all want updates; check the comments. I post there much more than I expected to, and those posts usually say where whatever chapter's at rn. so... check there once in a while~
> 
> BONUS: I put in two references to the podcast Welcome To Night Vale in this chapter, whoever finds them first+names them in the comments gets a special mini side story about Belle ;D

Dipper woke up with a gasp, jerking upright and clutching at the plush yellow duvet that covered her.

_Wait, what?_

The pre-teen cast a gaze around her. She was definitely not in her room, but on an expensive-looking queen-sized bed, with golden sheets and the aforementioned duvet. Thick yellow curtains, made of what looked like velvet, surrounded the bed and completely blocked the room from sight.

Ignoring the bad feeling in her gut, Dipper pulled open the curtains. On the wall directly across from the bed was an enormous tapestry.

The image on it was of Bill Cipher, triangular, hovering above a scorched and burning earth.

The girl gave a startled cry and scrambled back, letting the curtain fall back into place.

There she sat, on the bright yellow duvet, heart racing, panicking. Then something occurred to her, and she gave herself a hard pinch.

It didn't hurt.

“I'm still dreaming,” She thought aloud, “I haven't woken up.”

The sound of piano drifted through the curtains. After a few moments, Dipper identified the melody as Claude Debussy’s Reverie.

The music calmed her, for some reason, replaced her panic with a strange curiosity. Gathering up her courage, she pulled open the curtains again. This time, however, the tapestry wasn't there. Instead, there was a door.

The young girl stood from the bed, walked over to the door, and opened it. A long, torchlit hallway stretched out before her, with an opening on the left, some ways down it, from whence issued the music.

Enchanted and mystified, Dipper walked down the hallway, but once she'd gotten about halfway to the door, the melody stopped abruptly, leaving piercing silence ringing in the preteen’s ears.

She hesitated, but, deciding that she had already made it this far, and that this was only a dream anyway, she apprehensively continued.

The room through the opening was furnished- albeit luxuriously- entirely in yellow. The only thing in it that wasn’t, was the imposing black grand piano that stood in the corner and seemed to glare at the girl as she entered.

Behind the bright yellow loveseat, a young lady in a yellow cocktail dress stood by the drinks cart, back to the door.

Dipper considered trying to find a way out before the lady noticed her presence. However, just as this thought crossed the Pines’ mind, the young lady spoke. “Well, it took you long enough, Pinetree.”

Dipper froze. “This isn't real. This is a dream.”

The young lady hummed in amusement and turned to face her, holding two violet-coloured drinks in martini glasses. “The two aren't mutually exclusive, you know.” Her eyes were bright yellow with black slits. “I’d know- dreams are, after all, my specialty. Drink?”

“Let me. The hell. Out of here.”

Her voice adopted an edge as she commanded, “Macy. Take The Drink And Sit Down.”

The girl’s hand moved despite her, stretching out to take the drink, and before she knew what was going on, her body had sat down on the loveseat. The terrified girl focused on breathing as her heart pounded.

The yellow-clad demon smirked smugly and sat across from her.

“What do you want from me?” Dipper demanded, the martini glass in her hand vibrating as her hand shook.

“ _From_ you?” the demon repeated, “I don’t want anything _from_ you.” She took a sip of her drink.

“Well then… what do you want?”

The demon raised her eyes to stare predatorily at the girl. “I want you.”

A shiver ran down the Pines’ spine.

“Specifically,” The demon continued, mellowing her gaze z ksizhv dsrxs sviv nvzmh gszg hsv xlmgrmfvw gl dzgxs gsv trio yfg mlg zh rmgvmhvob, “I want something that you have hidden, deep in the back of your mind…” She stood, and the force holding Dipper to her seat suddenly lifted, allowing her to scramble up as well.

“Your family,” the lady continued, stalking towards Dipper like a cat, “Has a very interesting heritage. I’ve been doing some digging, and if I’m right about you, then you are very special, and _very_ desirable to someone like me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dipper tried very hard to keep her voice from trembling as she backed away.

Her back hit a wall- far sooner than it should have- and the demon came within a foot of the young girl, her yellow eyes shining brightly. A hand reached up and touched the mark on Dipper’s forehead.

“What exactly do you think this is?”

The girl's voice barely rose above a terrified whisper. “It's just a birthmark.”

“Oh, no, Pinetree. No, no, no.” The demon smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. “This is so much more than just a birthmark.” Her hand dropped, and her searing yellow gaze bored into Dipper’s eyes. “You have no idea what kind of abilities you possess. With your power… you could rule the multiverse.”

Then, without any kind of warning at all, she backed off. “Ol’ sixer can tell you all about it. You only just brought him back through the portal, didn't you?” She stood by the rocking chair, a hand on her hip, smiling wickedly. “Ask Stanford Pines about The Ultimate.”

Dipper jerked awake, covered in sweat and gasping for breath. She looked around desperately, taking in her surroundings, assuring herself that she was, in fact, in her own room. She even gave herself a harsh pinch, just to be sure.

After a while, her heart rate slowed, but her ears still rang with the words that the demon had spoken. Rubbing her eyes, she stood and made her way downstairs, where Stan and Mabel were having breakfast.

Mabel looked up at her twin worriedly. “Hey, sis, you okay? You were tossing and turning last night, like you were having a nightmare of some kind.”

“Yeah, I-”

Before she got the chance to finish her sentence, the vending machine door burst open, and out came The Author with something tentacled and hissing latched onto his wrist. “Get down!” He shouted, “Don't let it taste human flesh!”He punched it and it dropped off his hand, skittering around the room.

Heedless of the panicked exclamations of the other Pines, he chased it into a corner of the room, slowly pulling a glowing, glove-like device onto his hand. After another second, an ungodly scream issued from the creature, and Ford reached over and shocked it with his glove. “Gotcha!” He crowed, holding up its burnt body.

“Good for you.” Stan commented coldly, “Now get it outta here. It smells like if death could barf.”

As he left, Dipper ran over to Ford with Journal 2, saying, “Great uncle Ford! You need any help with that? I've read all about these creatures in your journal, and I think I know how to-”

“No!” Ford interrupted sharply, “I'm sorry, Dipper, but the dark weird road I travel, I'm afraid you cannot follow.” The vending machine door slammed behind him.

“Maybe next time then?” The young girl called hopefully after him, “Or not? Or never.”

“Aww, Dipper,” Mabel soothed, “don't take it so hard.”

Stan came up on Dipper’s other side and smacked her with a newspaper. “No, do take it hard. Take it hard and serious. My brother is a dangerous know-it-all, and the stuff he's messing with is even worse. Do yourself a favor and stay away from him, you hear me?”

“But, Grunkle Stan,” Dipper lamented, “all summer long I've wanted to know who the author of the journal was. Now the guy lives in our _basement_ and I can't even _talk_ to him!”

“Don't worry about what's in the basement. You belong up here with me and Mabel.”

With that, he left. Dipper, with a sigh and one last wistful look at the basement door, put Journal 2 onto the counter, and left the Shack.

For the next six days, she saw Ford here and there around the house, but every time she tried to speak to him, he brushed her off and retreated to the basement. She kept thinking about the dream she’d had, cryptic words, from a cryptic demon, haunting her mind, day and night. _Ask Stanford Pines about the Ultimate…_

Then, one day, something caught her eye. She was outside the Shack, and noticed, underneath it, a small, bright flash of blue light. Unsure of what she’d seen, she stared at the spot where her peripherie had caught it, and sure enough, after a few seconds, it flashed again.

The young adventuress got up from her lawn chair and walked slowly to the Shack. Another flash. After looking around to make sure nobody was watching, she got onto her belly and crawled, painstakingly, into the infinitesimal gap between the ground and the house. A small wave of claustrophobia- perfectly reasonable, considering where she was- passed through her, but she dismissed it and carried on. Another flash. She strenuously made her way to the source, and by the time she realized that the light was coming from a large hole, she was already falling into it.

Dipper landed, hard, on the cold stone floor of the portal room, in the basement. Her breath had been knocked out of her lungs, and her ribs felt bruised. For a second, she lay there, then with a soft groan, pushed herself onto her knees, swept her hair out of her face, and looked around.

She gasped at what she saw; in the back of the room stood the portal- or rather, the half-dismantled frame of what _used_ to be the portal.

Ford’s voice pierced the silence. “How did you get down here?!”

“I- I fell… is this what you’ve been doing here for the past week? Taking apart the portal?”

The Author looked up at the hole that Dipper tumbled through, murmured, “Yes…” He looked back sternly at the pre-teen. “You shouldn’t be down here. It’s too dangerous for a little girl like you.”

“But I’m _not_ just a little girl, Great Uncle Ford! I’ve already faced some of the things out there, I can handle myself-”

Ford was shaking his head. “It’s too dangerous. Go back upstairs, enjoy your summer, don’t concern yourself with the dark underbelly of this town. That’s my job.” he put a hand on her shoulder and began to lead her to the stairs.

“But Great Uncle Ford, can’t I just-”

“No, Dipper.”

“But I need to ask you about-”

“Put it out of your head.”

“But what is-”

“Dipper-”

“What is the Ultimate?!” She cut him off, breaking out of his grip and turning to face him.

Ford’s eyes widened. “How do you know about that?”

“I had a dream about it.”

“When?”

“The night you came through the portal, and I've been trying to ask you about it ever since, but you kept avoiding me!”

The smallest spark of guilt passed through his eyes for just an instant. “A dream? What kind of dream?”

“What is the Ultimate?” She reiterated stubbornly, unconsciously touching the mark on her forehead.

Ford’s eyes went up to it, and an uneasy look settled in his eyes. “The Ultimate… It’s an ancient prophecy that was told by the ancient civilisations that inhabited this valley.” He referred her to a chair by the control panel. “According to this prophecy, a long time ago, one of their gods was cast down from the heavens and met his death, here. However, before he died, a single drop of his blood watered a berry bush, and its berries grew, containing his power.

“Some time after this, as the prophecy goes, some indigenous folk found this bush, and not knowing the power within it, ate the berries. These people adopted a minuscule amount of the dead god’s magic, and that magic was passed down to their children, and their children’s children, and so on, getting a little bit stronger with every generation.

“Now, the prophecy says, that at some point, the magic of this God will have gotten strong enough to replicate the full power of the God himself, and the person who will harness these abilities was, in the story, called the Ultimate, as in the one with the ultimate power.”

Dipper, stunned, sat without a word.

“Now,” Ford said, “Who told you about the Ultimate?”

“I- Well- it was this… there’s been this sort of demon-”

“Bill?” Ford said, his face paling.

“Yeah. How did you-”

The older man had already gotten up, and strode up the stairs. She followed. He opened the door and shouted, his voice carrying through the house, “Family meeting! Family meeting!”

Once the Pines were set up and sat in the kitchen, Ford leaned to the Mystery Twins and announced gravely, “It has come to my attention that you two know of a certain creature named Bill Cipher.”

Dipper scoffed at the understatement. “ _Know_ him? He's been terrorizing us, and harassing me, all summer! I have so many questions and theories…”

Mabel patted her sister's arm. “Dipper's been pretty paranoid since Bill turned her into a living sock puppet.”

“The important thing is,” the elder twin shrugged off the hand, “we defeated him twice.”

“The fact that you've dealt with Bill is gravely serious.” Ford said quietly.

“So, how do _you_ know Bill?” Dipper inquired.

“I've encountered many dark beings in my time, Dipper.” The older man replied, “What matters is that his powers are growing stronger, and if he pulls off his plans, no one will be safe!”

Mabel gasped.

“Fortunately,” Ford continued, “there should be a way to shield us from his mental tricks. A way to Bill-proof the Shack, if you will.” He pulled out blueprints of the house and drew on them, explaining, “I just have to place moonstones here, here, and here, sprinkle some mercury, let's see... I always forget the last ingredient!” He took out Journal 1 and flipped through it. “Ugh, unicorn hair.”

Worriedly, Dipper asked, “That's not, like, rare, is it?”

“It's hopeless.” The scientist sighed. He looked into Journal 1, adjusting his glasses. “Unicorns reside deep within an enchanted glade, and their hairs can only be obtained by a pure good-hearted person who goes on a magical quest to find them.”

Mabel screamed, making the others jump. “Grunkle Ford, can I _please_ go on this quest? I am literally obsessed with unicorns! My first word was "unicorn," I once made my own unicorn by taping a traffic cone to a horse's head.”

“Yeah, she did.” Dipper confirmed, “We all got banned from the petting zoo because of her.”

“Not to mention,” Mabel carried on, “that I'm probably the most pure of heart person in this room.”

Neither Ford nor Dipper could argue that point.

“So can I go on a mission to get that hair? Please please please?” A manic light shone in Mabel's eyes as she rolled up her sleeve, yelling, “ _I’ll give you my blood_!”

“Very well. But it won't be easy.” Ford told her. He then gave her Journal 1 and a crossbow. “Take this, and this.”

Mabel ooh-ed.

“I haven't been in this dimension for a while.” Ford mentioned, “It's okay to give children weapons, right?”

“Pssh, come on, dawg.” Mabel put the crossbow on her shoulder, accidentally setting it off. The bolt crashed through the window and hit Stan's car, triggering the alarm.

Ignoring Stan’s incoherent screaming, as well as the sound of screeching tires, the younger twin dialed something in her phone, squealed, “Candy, Grenda, Wendy, clear the afternoon!” Into the receiver, and ran off.

“So,” Dipper spoke up, “what are the odds she gets that hair?”

“Unlikely.” The scientist replied, “I've dealt with unicorns before, and if I had to describe them in one word it would be... frustrating.”

“So, what are we gonna do about Bill?”

Ford looked over at her with a little half-smile. “Follow me.”

To be safe, Dipper changed the sign on the Mystery Shack to ‘Closed’, then tailed her great uncle behind the vending machine door and into an elevator. He pressed a few buttons, and the elevator stopped on a second floor.

“Welcome to my private study,” Stanford announced, “a place where I keep my most ancient and secret knowledge. Even your uncle Stan doesn't know about this place.”

Dipper gazed around in wonder. She stopped for a moment to investigate a rectangular object covered by a sheet, but let it go when the elder Pines called, “Dipper, come along! If we can't Bill-proof the Shack, we're going to have to do the next best thing.” He held up a helmet with wires and metal bars attached to it, making it look like some sort of torture device, “We're gonna have to Bill-proof our minds.”

He handed the device to the girl who, after a slight hesitation, placed it gingerly on her head. The metal bars closed around her scalp and neck, securing the machine into place. She sat, and as Ford bustled around the keyboard, setting it up, she inquired, “So, what is Bill, exactly?”

“No one knows for sure.” Ford replied, “Accounts differ of his true motivations and origins. I know he's older than our galaxy and far more twisted. Without a physical form, he can only project himself into our thoughts through the mindscape. That's why he wants this.”

He held up what looked like a snow globe, with a yellow-black striped base. Inside it swirled a dark, starry-looking substance.

“Whoa…” Dipper murmured. “What is that?”

“This, Dipper, is an interdimensional rift in time and space,” Ford explained, “I found it while I was taking apart the portal- it's _why_ I was taking apart the portal. An interdimensional gateway is too dangerous for the world it feeds into. That's why I was mad at Stan for using it. He saved me but, as I feared, the instability of the machine tore a hole in reality.”

“Wow.” Dipper murmured, then added in a confused tone, “but… what does this have to do with Bill?”

“Well, since I dismantled the portal, this is Bill’s only way into our reality. To get his hands on this rift, he would trick or possess anyone. That's why it's so important for us to protect our minds from him, and this machine is the safest way to do so. It’ll scan your mind, bioelectrically encrypting your thoughts so that Bill can't read them. Now,” He switched it on, announcing grandiosely, “Say hello to your thoughts.”

A low babble of phrases and words, spoken in Dipper's voice, boomed from the machine, rising in volume, then falling again.

“By the way,” Dipper spoke up, “You never told me what _your_ history with Bill was.”

Ford turned to her, a grave look in his eyes. “Dipper, do you trust me?”

“Well, yeah, of course I do, but-”

“Then you'll trust that that's not important. Now, focus.” He turned back to the machine, the screen of which now read, ‘0%’. “It's time to strengthen your mind.”

* * *

It was slow.

After around three hours of encryption, the machine was at only 15%. Ford had fallen asleep at his desk while Dipper sat and waited, getting more and more bored by the second.

She sighed, looked at Ford, and muttered to herself, “Why does he have to be so mysterious? I can handle the truth.” She hummed, tapped her fingers, then looked back at the old scientist and said, “I wonder what he's thinking.”

The machine behind her, voicing her thoughts, replied to her, “Use the machine! It'll show you his thoughts.”

“I shouldn't…” she murmured aloud.

“He won't know.” Her thoughts soothed, “He's going to tell you eventually. The more you know about Bill, the more you can help.”

With that, she was convinced. “Man,” she noted, taking off the helmet, “I am really good at rationalizing.” Slowly, taking care not to wake him, she lowered the device onto Ford's head, whispering, “Just a little peek. What are you hiding about Bill?”

As the machine registered Ford’s mind, Bill appeared on the screen, cackling. Smaller screens showed the portal, and old man McGucket, still in his youth, yelling, “Where are these ideas coming from? Who are you working with?!”

The screens changed, one by one, to Ford writing "I'm losing my mind,” and "TRUST NO ONE" in Journal 3, and overlaying it was Stan’s voice, echoing, “My brother is a dangerous know-it-all…” followed by Ford’s, “He would trick or possess anyone…”

The screen then showed him as a young man, smiling, telling someone out of view of the screen, “Then it's a deal. From now until the end of time.”

A hand, lit with blue fire, horribly familiar to Dipper, took Ford’s outstretched hand and shook it, accompanied by Bill’s voice; “Just let me into your mind, Stanford.”

“Please,” Ford replied, as the screen showed their joint hands, “call me… a friend.”

Dipper, unsure of whether or not she was breathing, eyes wide, unable to believe what was being shown to her, shaking her head, whispered ‘No,’s fluttering out of her mouth, feet taking her with stuttering steps backwards, unfortunately didn't notice the pile of machine scrap behind her, over which she tripped with a high-pitched scream.

When she collected herself off the ground, the first thing she saw was Ford towering over and glaring down at her, the light from the machine reflecting off his glasses and hiding his eyes.

“You shouldn't have done that.” He thundered. He took off the helmet and threw it, knocking down a curtain, revealing paintings, tapestries, statuettes, carpets, pottery, carvings, amulets, rings, lamps, and even a chandelier, all of them depicting Bill Cipher.

Dipper scrambled to her feet, careful not to take her eyes off of him, and demanded, “Why- why were you shaking hands with Bill?” She picked up the rift, clutching it to her chest and backing away. “You said Bill could possess anyone so he could get this.” Her hands were sweating in terror, and the rift slipped from her grip for a moment- but she caught it.

“Careful!” Ford barked, “Hand me the rift! Now, girl!”

The latter continued backing away, entreating hysterically, “Why were you really scanning my thoughts?” Panicking, she grabbed and aimed the first weapon she noticed- the memory erasing gun- at Ford. “Are you Bill right now?!”

The elder man raised his hands in what was probably supposed to resemble a pacifying gesture, but looked more like he wanted to grab her, saying, “Now just-just calm down, P-”

“PINE TREE?!” The twelve year old girl screamed, “IS THAT WHAT YOU WERE GONNA CALL ME?!”

“I was just going to say "please", kid!”

The girl's back hit the wall at the end of the room. The hand that held the memory gun shook as she kept it aimed at her idol, her voice shrill as she said, “Great Uncle Ford told me to protect the rift! Get one step closer and I'll shoot! I'll erase you right out of Ford's head!”

“It's me, Dipper. It's your uncle!”

Her finger pressed down on the trigger and the weapon began to charge. “Trust no one, trust no one, trust no one, trust-”

“Hand it to me!”

The gun fired at Ford, but the ray bounced off his glasses and off of different objects around the room, before finally smashing into one of the screens of the machine.

After the fiasco came to its cacophonous end, Dipper dove for the memory gun, which she had dropped upon ducking to avoid the ray, but before she could reach it, Ford picked her up effortlessly.

She struggled like a rabid animal, trying to get out. “Let go of me!”

“Now-now just calm down. Calm down!” Ford ordered, and adjusted his glasses to clear the reflection on them. “Look into my eyes! Look at my pupils. It's me, Dipper. It's me.”

Once she acknowledged this and calmed down, he set her down. She stumbled a bit, still slightly wide-eyed, then sighed, “I tried to erase your mind. I'm so sorry.”

“It's okay, Dipper.” Ford comforted her, laying a gentle hand on the shoulder of the child that stood beside him, “Your actions were completely understandable. If I really was Bill, you would've done great. I should’ve been more like you when I was young. Dipper, I was a fool to try to hide all this. The reason I've been trying to prepare you for Bill's tricks is that Bill tricked me. It's the biggest regret of my life. Bill wasn't always my enemy, Dipper. I used to think he was my friend. Long, long ago…” he stared off sadly into space for a moment, then took a breath and told Dipper everything.

He told her about how Bill had come to him, pretending to be a muse, when his research stalled. He told her about how he confronted Bill when McGucket fell into the portal, and how Bill revealed his true plans. He told her his efforts at stopping him, disabling the portal and hiding the journals.

“To Bill,” He concluded, “It’s just a game, but to us, it would mean the end of our world.”

“Oh, man.” Dipper said when he finished, sitting across from Ford at the table in the living room, drinking soda.

“Oh, man, indeed.” He replied.

She groaned. “I'm so embarrassed about earlier. I'm such an idiot.”

“From now on, no more secrets between us.” Ford promised, “We're not the first two idiots to be tricked by Bill, but if we work together, we could be the last.”

“But what about Bill? I broke the machine! Now we have no way to protect the Shack!”

Mabel, having seemingly appeared out of nowhere, slammed a fistful of rainbow hair onto the table. “Did someone say "unicorn hair"?!”

Dipper, recovering quickly, replied, “Uh, no, actually?”

“Oh.” Mabel looked let down. “That would have been perfect. Either way, we got some unicorn hair!”

Ford choked on his cola. “It... can't be! This is a great day, girls! With this unicorn hair, we should be able to completely shield the shack from Bill's mind-reading tricks! Come along, Dipper!”

* * *

Stan suggested a round-Oregon road trip almost immediately after they finished setting up the barrier. Dipper found it a bit strange that they would go to that much effort to create a Bill-proof place, only to leave that place immediately after, for an extended period of time. Mabel, though, was too excited to listen to any rational argument, so there wasn't much Dipper could do.

It was when they all came back that things started to go sideways.

As the Pines entered the Shack, an enormous _boom_ shook the entire house, and Ford called out, “Dipper, my face is on fire!”

“I'll just be a sec.” Dipper excused herself to the others, then, running into Ford's room, “Great Uncle Ford, are you okay?”

Ford was calmly wiping off his face, which was smoking, with a towel. “Oh yes, I'm fine. I just said that to make sure you'd come in here quickly.”

Dipper stared. “But your face… _is_ on fire.”

“Yes, it's much faster than shaving.”

“But there was an explosion!”

“Gunpowder, dear girl! It cleans out the pores like you wouldn't believe! Now, listen, Dipper. I have a very important mission, and you are the only one who can help me.” He pulled out the rift containment unit, pointing at a long, thin crack in the glass. “Remember the rift in dimensional space-time I showed you? It's cracking. This is what Bill has been waiting for. If it breaks, it will cause reality as we know it to completely unravel. A hypothetical and catastrophic event I call Weirdmageddon.”

He gestured at a heavily annotated blackboard, detailing the finer points of the event.

“Bill is out there,” Ford noted darkly, “and he'd use any trick, from deception to outright possession, to make this happen. But for the sake of humanity, we mustn't let it.”

“What do we do?”

“We patch the rift. I'll explain on the way.”

As Dipper excitedly turned to follow him, she saw her sister standing in the doorway. “Oh- Mabel, I'm sorry-”

“It's okay, Dipper,” Mabel shook her head with a light smile, “You should totally go with Grunkle Ford to save the world or whatever.”

“Are you sure?”

Ford cleared his throat, looking slightly irritated. “I did mention that the fate of the universe is at stake, didn't I? Hurry, we haven't much time.” He left, trench coat whooshing behind him.

“Okay, Dipper.” The pre-teen told herself, “It's your first big mission with Ford. A chance to prove yourself. Don't mess this up.” She rushed out to follow him out to the front of the Shack, waving bye to her sister as she did so.

From the Shack, he led her into the forest and onto a trail that looked like it had not been used for a very long time. The two walked on the trail for about an hour, until they reached a clearing, with a steep uphill slope. Walking up it took time, it took effort, and by the time they crowned it, Dipper was deeply out of breath. As they climbed, Ford told the girl more about the situation. “Listen, Dipper. In order to seal the rift for good, it's going to take an adhesive stronger than anything on earth. Something… extraterrestrial in origin.”

They reached the peak, and Dipper panted, “What- What do you mean?”

Pointing at the cliffs at the town border, the elder scientist said, “Dipper, look at the peculiar shape made by those cliffs. Does it remind you of anything?”

Dipper looked, thinking, but couldn't see anything until Ford jingled his keys to get her attention. When she directed her gaze at his hand, he dropped a UFO-shaped keychain into the air before her eyes- the keychain fitting perfectly into the space between the cliffs.

Dipper felt the air leave her lungs. “Shut. up.”

“According to my research,” Ford carried on, “the entire valley of Gravity Falls was formed when an extraterrestrial object crash-landed here millions of years ago. Did this craft cause the town's strange properties? Or, did the town's strange properties attract the craft? The answer is still unknown.”

“But, that's crazy!” Dipper squeaked, “Where did the saucer go?”

Ford grinned at the child, stepping toward a large rock a few feet away from them. “Sometimes the strangest things in the world are right under our noses.” He pushed the rock away, revealing a grass-covered metal plate that looked rather like a trap door. “And our feet, in this particular instance. Now you might wanna stand back.” He pulled out a gun. “This magnet gun can rip the fillings out of a man's mouth from 100 feet.”

The preteen backed away a few steps as Ford detached the opening and continued, “I used to raid this thing for parts for years. Where do you think I got the materials to build my portal?”

“You… I… words… not working for mouth.”

“Now come. Take this.” He threw Dipper another magnet gun that he pulled out of his coat.

Scrambling and nearly dropping it, she caught the gun as Ford stepped into the opening. “Don't worry,” he reassured her, “I've been down here countless times; all the aliens have been dead for millions of years.” His climbing halted for a moment, as he added, “Probably.”

Still wide-eyed, excitement and fear battling for dominion over her, Dipper took a deep breath and headed down after him. “I can't believe there's been a giant UFO under the town this whole time!”

Ford laughed. “I wish my mind could be where yours is right now, Dipper. When confirmation of extraterrestrials still had that punch.” He reached the bottom of the steps. “Now it's just sort of… _eh_. McGucket and I used to come down here all the time to raid their tech and study their language.”

“This is so cool!” Dipper gushed, and took a selfie with some alien symbols on the wall.

“The substance we need to seal the rift is an alien adhesive. Strong enough to keep the hull of a spacecraft together. Just one dollop of this adhesive should be enough to seal a crack in space-time.” Ford explained, “Also, if it touches you it will seal up all the orifices in your face, so… try to avoid that. Now, use your magnet gun and follow me.” He aimed his magnet gun at a metal pillar sticking out of a large, dark hole, and slid down along it to the bottom.

“Great Uncle Ford!”

After a moment, Ford called back, “Your turn! Go on, just jump! Nothing to be afraid of!”

Dipper took a few deep breaths, fiddling nervously with her gun, muttering, “Okay. Just turn on magnet, leap down hole. Turn on… C'mon already-” The gun whirred to life, “-Magnet. Leap down hole!”

She jumped, flying through empty air for a terrifying few seconds before the gun caught onto the metal pillar and she spiralled down steadily, screaming the entire way, to the bottom of the hole.

Ford seemed to be holding back laughter as she landed on her face at his feet, the magnet gun still stuck to the pillar. That laughter, however, burst out of him when the young girl jumped up, fixed her shirt and said, nonchalantly, “That wasn't so hard. I could do that again.”

When his fit subsided, he led the way deeper into the ship, saying, “The glue should be around here somewhere, so keep your eyes peeled. Dipper, let me ask you something. Have you thought much about your future?”

“No, not really.” Dipper replied, “I mean, beyond graduating high school with a high GPA so I can get accepted to a good technical college with a photography and media production minor to start my own ghost hunting show.”

Ford chortled again. “It's like talking to a younger version of myself. If you're so sure of what you want out of life, why wait? Why put up with the drudgery of school?”

Dipper smirked drily. “Trust me, I'd love to fast-forward the whole thing, but it's not like I have a choice.”

Ford put down the scrap metal he'd been examining and looked pensively at the girl. “Dipper, I've been thinking. I'm getting too old to investigate Gravity Falls on my own. I need to train an apprentice to help me fight monsters, solve mysteries, and protect this town. And I think I'd- I'd like to keep it in the family.”

Dipper realized what he was implying and turned to him with wide eyes. “What are you saying?”

“I've read your additions to my journal and I'm impressed with your potential. What would you say to staying in Gravity Falls after the summer ends and becoming my apprentice?”

The metal that she held slid out of her fingers as she gaped at him, before finally gasping, “W-what about school?”

“Dipper, I have 12 PhDs. Your parents would be thrilled I could give you such an advanced education.”

“There's also Mabel. She'd be all alone in California.”

“Mabel will be fine on her own.” Ford rationalized, “She has a magnetic personality. I watched her become pen pals with the pizza delivery man in the 60 seconds he was at the door.”

“True…” the girl still looked uncertain. “Gosh, we've never really been apart before.”

“And isn't it suffocating?” Ford pushed (ollp zg gsrh zhhslov kilqvxgrmt srh rhhfvh lmgl z _gdvoev bvzi low)_ , “Dipper, can you honestly tell me you never felt like you were meant for something more?”

“I-I dunno. I mean, it sounds like a dream come true, but I'm not sure I have what it takes. I was tricked by Bill, I was wrong about Stan's portal. Heck, I can't even operate this magnet gun right.” To demonstrate, she turned on the magnet gun, and in doing so, sucked up a piece of metal.

When she tried to get it free, Ford jumped up and cried, “Ha! Yes! Dipper, you've found the adhesive!”

“I did?!” She looked at the underside of the metal she’d found, and saw a sparkling, pink substance dripping from it. “I did!”

Ford seemed like he wanted to say something else, but suddenly, a noise came from a dark tunnel to their right.

“Grunkle Ford,” Dipper whispered, “you said everything in here is dead, right?”

“Yes.” Ford replied, then, “Unless somehow we've reactivated the-” There was another noise, louder this time, closer; “security system!”

Two floating metal orbs emerged from the tunnel.

“What do we do?!” Dipper whimpered, clutching at Ford’s sleeve.

“Listen to me very carefully.” He said, slowly, calmly, “I've studied these; they're security droids and they detect adrenaline. You simply have to not feel any fear and they won't see you.”

“ _What?!_ ”

“It's okay. I've done it before. Just take a deep breath, focus on your intellect, and control your fear.”

Dipper stuttered. “That- that- that's _completely insane!”_

“Just follow my lead.”

“But-”

“Focus, Dipper!”

The droid turned to Ford, looked at him for a while, and seemed to find nothing wrong with him. It moved on to Dipper.

The twelve-year-old felt like she was having an asthma attack, which was not made any better when the droid produced an enormous gun.

“I can't!” Dipper mouthed, her voice all but failing her.

The giant gun started powering up, and Ford yelled, “Get down!” He tackled Dipper, dodging the flash from the gun, stood up and shot the droid with an enormous gun of his own, destroying it, but got hit in the shoulder with a second flash.

The other droid then produced wiry, vine-like arms and dragged Ford toward it, locking him up inside its cold, metal shell.

Dipper stood, ran after it, yelled, “Wait, no!” But tripped, and by the time she got up, the orb was already floating quickly down the tunnel.

She noticed the rift and the adhesive laying side by side- having been left on the ground by Ford- picked them up, stuffed them in her backpack, and ran desperately after the droid. “Great Uncle Ford! Hang on, Great Uncle Ford, I'm coming for you! I'll get you out of there!”

She chased the orb into a round antechamber, with multiple niches containing more metallic orbs. The one she had been chasing was in the center of the room, and above it, several symbols were being projected from an unknown source. One of the symbols was the constellation of the big dipper, matching Dipper’s birthmark. It glowed bright blue, before the projection blinked out and the bottom of the machine opened, dropping Ford into a glass containment unit. He stood, looked around, saw Dipper at the edge of the room, and slammed his hands to the surface.

“Dipper!” He screamed through the glass, “Get out of here! Run!”

A saucer-shaped droid then appeared behind him, latching onto the containment unit.

“Where is that thing taking you?” Dipper shouted, running up to the droid, who had already begun to take off.

“It's an automated prison droid…” Ford replied, looking up at it in fear, “And wherever it's going, I'm not coming back! You have to get out of here before they get you, too!”

His words were, however, too late. The droid that had trapped him, originally, advanced on Dipper, vine-like arms reaching for her.

The twelve-year-old was inundated in terror. She was drowning in it. The machine reached for her- she took a single step back- a scream exuded from her throat- and then, in a split second, all the girl saw and heard was was searing flash of blue light and a screeching sound like ripping metal, before everything went black, and she fell, senseless, to the ground.

* * *

Dipper came to some time later lying on top of the covers of a bed- her bed. She sat up and, looking around, realized that she was back in the Shack.

The door creaked open and Ford walked in, looking… concerned. “Dipper. How do you feel? You gave me a bit of a scare back there.” He sat on the bed.

“I…” The girl rubbed her head. “I feel fine. What happened?”

“Well-”

Stan walked in right then and interrupted, “ _He_ nearly got you killed, is what happened. I told you to stay away from the kids, to keep them from harm, and the next thing I know, you’re bringing one of them back, clothes scorched and barely breathing, because you wanted a travel buddy on one of your crazy expeditions?!”

“Wait, wait.” Dipper interjected, “What do you mean, scorched? Great Uncle Ford, what-”

“ _DIPPER!_ ” Mabel flew in, launched herself at her sister, and buried her face in her shoulder. “I was so scared! Are you okay?!”

“Yes, yeah, Mabel, I’m fine. I’m okay. But-” she turned to Ford, who was still being glowered at by Stan and looked ashamed. “Great Uncle Ford… can I speak to you?”

Stan seemed like he wanted to protest this, but when Dipper looked at him pleadingly, he- no less resentfully- left the room, taking Mabel along.

The first question out of Dipper’s mouth was an obvious one; “Great Uncle Ford, what the hell happened out there?”

He looked at her curiously. “You… don’t remember?”

The girl shook her head. “All I remember is a flash of blue light, and heat… and then nothing. Was there a fire?”

Ford sighed gravely and looked at Dipper with something in his eyes that Dipper had never seen there before, and didn’t like to see there at all- dread. “Well… yes. There was a fire, but it wasn’t an ordinary fire. It… well…”

“What? Great Uncle Ford, ‘it’ _what?_ ”

“It came from you.”

The past week had been, for the young Pines, such an emotional roller coaster, that she didn’t quite have enough energy to react to this. “From… from me? What does that even mean?”

“When that thing advanced on you, Dipper, I was sure that it would get you and that you were just as doomed as I was, but as it came closer, your… _birthmark_ … began to glow, bright blue, and the second you screamed, there was- some sort of- shock wave, almost, of blue energy that came from you. It destroyed everything non-organic in its path, and there was fire everywhere… I managed to get to you in time, and carry you out before…” He trailed off.

“...Before what?” Dipper whispered, not sure if she wanted to know the answer.

“The spaceship, Dipper. It exploded.”

“Oh… god, oh my god, did anyone-”

“No one was hurt. The center of the ship was far enough from town that nobody was in the explosion radius. But when I carried you out, Dipper, you were barely breathing. All of us thought you might die, but it got me thinking…”

“About what?”

“Well, back before we Bill-proofed the Shack, you mentioned the Ultimate. You said Bill had told you about it.”

“I did, and _you_ said it was just a myth.”

“That’s what I thought at the time. But after witnessing what I did back there, I’m starting to think that perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps the Ultimate isn’t a myth… perhaps the Ultimate… is you.”

Dipper’s stomach dropped, and her hand went, instinctively, to her forehead.

_This is so much more than just a birthmark… You have no idea what kind of abilities you possess. With your power… you could rule the multiverse._

“When your powers begin to appear, Dipper,” Ford said, “You’re going to have to develop them somewhere safe. This town, it’s perfect for you. I could teach you what I know, and I’m sure that here, of _all_ places, is where you can find a mentor to refine your abilities.”

The door to the room was open just a crack, and through that crack, a young girl watched and listened, unbeknownst to the other two.

“This town is a magnet for things that are special,” Ford continued, taking the young girl’s hand, “And that includes you and me. It brought both of us here for a purpose! Stay here with me, Dipper. Become my apprentice. Don't let anyone hold you back from your true potential!”

Dipper seemed doubtful for another moment, but looked up when Ford added, “With your power… you could save the multiverse.”

The pre-teen smiled. “I’ll do it. I’m gonna stay.”

“Excellent. Now, you get some rest, and then, let’s save the world together, apprentice!”

They laughed together, and he left the room, humming.

Dipper lay back down and tried to rest, but after just a few moments, she found herself bored. She got up, headed to the door and stepped out. Immediately, she noticed her sister sitting with her back to the wall in the hallway, arms wrapped around her knees.

“Mabel!” Dipper called out, jogging to her, “Oh, _man_ , sis, you will _not_ believe the day I've had! UFOs are real, and there's one under the town, and apparently I have superpowers or something, and- and…” she trailed off when she saw that Mabel hadn't lifted her head. “Hey,” she sat next to her and put a hand on her shoulder, “Are you okay?”

Mabel finally looked up. “Tell me it's not true, Dipper.” She said in a tear-choked voice, “Tell me you were joking- Ford's apprentice? Seriously?”

“Look, I was thinking and… this is a huge opportunity for me, and-”

“Well it's a horrible opportunity for me!” Mabel exclaimed, pushing herself away from Dipper, “When the summer ends, I’m gonna have to leave everything behind. You're the only person I can count on and now you're leaving me too!?”

“Mabel, listen, I won't be gone forever, okay? I'll still visit you at home, and we'll chat online; we'll make it work.”

“I don't want it to work. I just… I just wish summer could last forever.”

“But it can't, Mabel.” Dipper moved back to Mabel's side and put her arm around her. “Look, things aren't gonna stay frozen this way. It's part of… of growing up. Things change. Summer ends.”

She tried to make her words sound comforting, but something she said must have hit too close to home, and Mabel tore her twin’s arm off of her and ran away sobbing, grabbing one of the two backpacks that were leaning on the bedroom door.

“Mabel, wait!” Dipper called after her, “I didn't mean it like that! Mabel, come back!”

But she was already gone.

Dipper sighed, doubts entering her mind once again. She got up off the floor, took the other backpack by the door, and headed down to Ford’s lab. Dipper’s uneasiness must have shown on her face, because Ford immediately piped up, “Let me guess: Mabel didn't take it well?”

“I don't know,” the girl replied, “maybe I'm making the wrong decision. I need to think about this.”

“Dipper, right now we need to focus on the mission. Now, the glue and the rift are both in your bag, correct? Hand them to me, and let's make history.”

She nodded, reached into the bag and pulled out-

“A Cadbury Caramel bar…? Oh no… Mabel- The RIFT!”

She dropped the bag, Mabel’s bag, and dashed out of the house, after her sister.

Said sister had, a minute or so earlier, bolted into the forest, found a small nook in the roots of a big tree, nestled in, and wept bitterly. When she'd cried herself out, she put her chin on her knees, and sighed, “Only Cadbury can cheer me up now.” She rifled through the bag, but, instead of chocolate, found notebooks, pens, a piece of metal and something strange and round. “What… ugh, wrong bag. It's not fair. Why can't I just have a little more summer?”

Suddenly, a familiar voice emerged from the darkness. “That might be possible!”

“What?” Mabel looked around. “Who said that?”

“M-M-M-Mabel, it's me.” Blendin, the time-traveller, stepped out from behind a tree. “I-I-I can help.”

Mabel sniffed, and wiped her eyes. “Aren’t you that time travel guy? What are you doing here?”

Blendin took no notice of the fact that she seemed to have forgotten his name- which was strange, as that was the one thing he _always_ took issue with. “You said you don't want summer to end, right?” he continued, “D-did-did I hear that right?”

“Yeah… why are you asking?”

“Look,” the time traveller confided, lowering his voice conspiratorially, “Maybe it's against the rules, but you once did a favor for me, so I thought I could help you out. It's called a time bubble, and it prevents time from going forward. Summer in Gravity Falls can last as long as you want it to!”

Mabel’s eyes lit up, and she forgot having remarked that Blendin was smiling much wider than usual. “R-Really? But how does it work?”

“I just need you to get a little gizmo for me from your uncle.” he clicked a button on his wristwatch, projecting an image of a peculiar snowglobe-like object. “It's something small. He won't even know it's missing.”

“I think… Dipper has something like that in his bag.” She dug around for the strange and round something she had felt in there before, and pulled it out. “This it?”

“Yes, yes, that's it!” Blendin was breathing heavily, and reached forward. “Just hand it over and I'll do my thing. Unless you're ready to leave Gravity Falls…” He raised an eyebrow, and his smile stretched wider.

Mabel dismissed her feeling of apprehension, and handed the globe to him. “Just a little more summer.”

The moment his hands were on the object, he giggled with a sort of manic excitement, and turned away. “So long… Mabel heard him say, “...Been waiting for this for so long…”

He took off his goggles, and turned back to Mabel, revealing them to be bright yellow, with black slits running through the middle. “Thanks, Shooting Star! This is gonna come in handy!

Mabel gasped. “Oh no- no, no, no! Wait-”

Bill threw the rift to the ground, and his foot landed on it momentarily, crushing the containment unit completely. The space around the broken glass began to glow bright black, and reality seemed to warp, twist and tear inside the glow. Mabel threw herself at the growing stain of void, but Bill snapped his fingers, still laughing, and she fell unconscious.

“At last…” his voice resounded, “At long, long last…” As he left the pathetic body he had been occupying, “ _The gateway between worlds has opened!_ ” His form was that of a great, glorious, golden dragon, “ _The event one billion years prophesied has finally come to pass!_ ” He flew up to the crown of the opening wound, and alighted upon an asteroid that had come floating out of the rift, “ _The day has come!_ ” His voice grew as his form grew, two, five, ten times bigger than usual, so fueled, so powered up was he from his impatient excitement, “ ** _The world is finally mine!_** ”

The rift opened fully, and the twisting, writhing colours and lights of the Nightmare Realm gleamed and glimmered through, flowing through the opening and infecting the whole world beyond. The townspeople of Gravity Falls looked on, helpless, so _humanly pathetic_ , so completely unable to do anything to save the world they resided in.

Down below, an old man and a twelve-year-old girl had just come across the source; a broken containment unit, shattered glass, still glowing slightly black from the residue of the Opening. Two heads whipped up as the words of the universe-sized, one-eyed Dragon echoed through the fibres of all reality; **_Oh, it's happening. It's finally, finally happening!_**

The girl’s voice was panicked; “What is that?! Great Uncle Ford, _What the hell is that?!”_

The old man’s voice was despairing; “We're too late. The rift is open… it's the end of the world.”

 ** _A_ l _r_ i _g_ h _t,_ l _i_ s _t_ e _n_ u _p_ y _o_ u _o_ n _e_ l _i_ f _e_ s _p_ a _n,_ t _h_ r _e_ e _d_ i _m_ e _n_ s _i_ o _n_ a _l,_ f _i_ v _e_ s _e_ n _s_ e s _k_ i _n_ p _u_ p _p_ e _t_ s _!_** He jumps down from the asteroid, is flying down to the town, and landed on the roof of Town Hall with a silent crash• **F _o_ r _o_ n _e_ t _r_ i _l_ l _i_ o _n_ y _e_ a _r_ s _I_ 'v _e_ b _e_ e _n_ t _r_ a _p_ p _e_ d _i_ n _m_ y _o_ w _n_ d _e_ c _a_ y _i_ n _g_ d _i_ m _e_ n _s_ i _o_ n _,_ w _a_ i _t_ i _n_ g _f_ o _r_ a _n_ e _w_ u _n_ i _v_ e _r_ s _e_ t _o_ c _a_ l _l_ m _y_ o _w_ n _._** **N _a_ me' _s_ Bi _l_ l! _B_ ut _y_ ou _c_ an _c_ al _l_ me _y_ ou _r_ ne _w_ lo _r_ d a _n_ d m _a_ st _e_ r f _o_ r a _l_ l o _f_ et _e_ rn _i_ ty _!_** He laughed, morphs into his triangular form• **_N_ o** _w_ ** _m_ e** _e_ **t _t_** _h_ **e _g_** a ** _ng_** o ** _f_ i** _n_ ** _t_ e** _r_ **d _i_** _m_ **e _n_** s ** _io_** n ** _a_ l** _c_ ** _r_ i** _m_ **i _n_** _a_ **l _s_** a ** _nd_** n ** _i_ g** _h_ ** _t_ m** _a_ **r _e_** _s_ **I _c_** a ** _ll_** m ** _y_ f** _r_ ** _i_ e** _n_ **d _s_** _._ He named them as they are coming down from the sky• _8_ **B _a_** _l_ **l!** _K_ **r _y_** _p_ **t _o_** s **! _T_** _h_ **e _b_** e ** _in_** g **_w_ h** _o_ ** _s_ e** _n_ ** _a_ m** _e_ ** _m_ u** _s_ **t n** _e_ **ve** _r_ **be** _s_ **ai** _d_ **! O** _h_ , he laughed• **_f_ u** _c_ ** _k_ i _t_** _._ I ** _t's_** X ** _a_ n** _t_ ** _h_ a** _r._ **T _h_** _e_ **n _o_** f **_co_** u ** _r_ s** _e_ ** _t_ h** _e_ **r _e'_** _s_ **a _l_** s ** _o T_** e ** _e_ t** _h,_ ** _K_ e** _y_ **h _o_** _l_ **e, _H_** e ** _ct_** o ** _r_ g** _o_ ** _n_ , A** _m_ **o _r_** _p_ **h _o_** u ** _s S_** h ** _a_ p** _e,_ ** _P_ y** _r_ **o _n_** _i_ **c _a_** _,_ P ** _ac_** i _-_ ** _F_ i** _r_ ** _e_ , a** _n_ **d _t_** _h_ **e _s_** e **_gu_** y ** _s._** A swarm of eyebats perched on every open surface. **_T_** _h_ **i _s_** i ** _s o_** u ** _r_ t** _o_ ** _w_ n** _n_ **o _w,_** _b_ **o _y_** s **!** He laughs, laughed, is laughing. The rest of his creatures cackled along with him.

Tyler Cutebiker, the mayor, stepped forward, a crowd of townspeople at his back. “Now see here, you unholy… yellow… dragon… triangle… fella. As mayor, I strongly urge you to git… git on outta here!”

The townspeople assented, calling out various things, some of them pointing their fingers and yelling, “Interlopers!”

Preston Northwest, in a crisp suit, stepped forth from the crowd and addressed the amusedly smirking demon, who had morphed into a human-esque, male-esque form, “I would just like to say that as a rich capitalist I welcome your tyrannical rule. Perhaps I could be one of your, uh… horsemen of the apocalypse?” He suggested with a pleasant smile.

 ** _Oh_** w ** _o_ w**, the humanoid demonic despot switches from male-esque to female-esque, sprouted a pair of bat wings and replies• _t_ ** _h_ a** _t'_ **s _a_** _g_ **r _e_** a ** _t o_** f ** _f_ e** _r._ ** _H_ o** _w_ **'b _o_** _u_ **t _i_** n ** _st_** e ** _a_ d** _I_ ** _s_ h** _u_ ** _f_ f** _l_ **e _t_** _h_ **e _f_** u ** _nc_** t ** _i_ o** _n_ ** _s_ o** _f_ **e _v_** _e_ **r _y_** h ** _ol_** e **_i_ n** _y_ ** _o_ u** _r_ f ** _ac_** e ** _?_** She counter-offers, and did so. Preston's face morphed; his eyes were replaced by a pair of ears, the optic organ instead sprouting out of his mouth, and his nostrils fused, becoming a gaping mouth. He fell over, screaming in agony, and the other town citizens seemed to finally understand. Everybody scattered, and the town of Gravity Falls was taken over by panic, hysteria, and submissive fear.

 _I_ ** _t'_ s** _t_ **i _m_** _e_ **w _e_** d ** _o a_** l ** _i_ t** _t_ ** _l_ e** _r_ **e _d_** _e_ **c _o_** r ** _at_** i ** _n_ g**. _I_ **_c_ o** _u_ **l _d_** _r_ **e _a_** l ** _ly_** u ** _s_ e** _a_ ** _C_ a _s_ t _le_** o ** _f_ s** _o_ ** _m_ e** _k_ **i _n_** _d_ ** _!_** A pyramid, grandiose and looming, forms in the sky and floated there, above all• **A** _n_ **d _h_** _o_ **w _a_** b ** _ou_** t **_s_ o** _m_ ** _e_ b** _u_ **b _b_** _l_ **e _s_** o ** _f P_** U ** _RE_ **_M_ ** _AD_** _N_ ** _ES_** _S_ ** _!_** The air in spaces thickens and clotted into colourful bubbles that descend on the town. Different people reacted uniquely as the bubbles pass through them, some becoming rabid, others catatonic, still others epileptic.

 ** _T_** _h_ **i _s_ ** p ** _ar_** t ** _y_ n** _e_ ** _v_ e** _r_ **s _t_** _o_ **p _s._**

T ** _im_** e **_i_ s **_d_ ** _e_ a** _d_ **a _n_** _d_ **m _e_** a ** _ni_** n ** _g_ h** _a_ ** _s_ n** _o_ **m _e_** _a_ **n _i_** n ** _g-_**

 _E_ **x _i_** _s_ **t _e_** n ** _ce_ ** i ** _s_ u** _p_ ** _s_ i** _d_ **e- _d_** _o_ **w _n_** a ** _nd_** I **_R_ e** _i_ ** _g_ n **_S_ **u _p_** _r_ **e _m_** e-

 ** _W_** _E_ **L _C_** O ** _ME_ , **O ** _N_ E **_A_ ** _N_ D **A ** _L_ L,**

_TO_ **_WEIRDMAGEDDON!_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS WHERE THE SHIT  
> GETS  
> R E A L


End file.
